Moviecide- 8/31/07

Welcome once again to Moviecide, a weekly column where I gut the movie industry for no real good reason. Here's what's new this week:

Artic Tale: Never heard of this one. Apparently it's a documentary on the Arctic, and the poster's got polar bears on it. Probably worth a rent.

Balls of Fury: The Good News- Christopher "Hells Yeah!" Walken is in it. The Bad News- Everything Else. Only on a rent, and only if I'm STUPID BORED.

Death Sentence: I hated "Saw" so much. This is by the director of "Saw", one of the most poorly directed films of all time. I wouldn't watch this movie if you paid me.

Halloween: On the one hand, remakes usually annoy me. On the other, it's directed by Rob Zombie, whose previous two films kicked ass. If a buddy calls me up and wants to watch it, I'm game, otherwise I'll wait for DVD. Also, why the hell wasn't this released on HALLOWEEN?

September Dawn: Never heard of this one. It's got Jon Voight in it. Eh.

No End in Sight: Hoo boy. A documentary on just how much the Bush Administration botched the whole Iraqui War. Definately on DVD (if I can find it), but only if I'm taking anti-depressants at the time.

Dans Paris: French film about some guy who's depressed. Seen enough of those to last a lifetime.

The Ten: This one was actually out last week, but I didn't bother covering it. That's my degree of apathy on this one.

Random Notes- 8/29/07

I'm gonna go on record and say that if it's an average temperature of 100 degrees again this week, I'm just gonna give up and spontaneously combust and be done with it. Too. Damn. HOT.

Speaking of giving up, rumors abound that Owen Wilson tried to off himself this weekend. What Owen Wilson does in his free time is his own business, what concerns me is how this will negatively impact the new Wes Anderson film coming out this Fall, which features Wilson. Hope it don't get delayed.

Showed INLAND EMPIRE to some of my pals on Sunday. Reactions were mixed. Fitch left about an hour into the film, claiming he simply could not take it anymore. After the movie, Brooks was quoted as saying, "I think my brain is bleeding." Surprisingly, Bro thought the film was pretty easy to figure out, and his only complaint was a certain amount of tedium, especially towards the beginning. I, of course, still think it's the best movie I've watched in the last two years. But I'm biased.

Moviecide-08/24/07

Pip-pip and cheerio! Welcoming to another smashing edition of Moviecide, a weekly, highly civilized column where I dissect films that are being released in theatres. Because of my breeding and character, I am an English gentlemen whot whot, I am able to discertain the worthiness of a work of cinema without even viewing it. Tally Ho!

Mr. Bean's Holiday- People think that because I'm British that I enjoy the bumbling adventures of Mr. Bean. Quite the contrary, I believe him to be an annoying twit. I turn my nose up at this film. Pip pip!

The Nanny Diaries- It was rumored that Scarlett Johanson was a promising actress with a bright film career. If this film is any indication, those rumors were false. I adjust my monicle rudely at this film. Whot Whot!

Resurrecting the Champ- This film has that Samuel L. Jackson bloke in it. As an Englishman, I find his bawdy, roughhouse performances to be quite stimulating. Unfortunately, that seems to be the only thing of interest in this film. A dreadful shame, that!

War- Well, this looks bloody awful. Bloody.

Moviething...Um, Today

This am Movieside. Me work in sawmill in too hot heat for too many days. Now me no think so good. Me make fun of movies me no watch. It am fun.

Becoming Jane: This movie where people dress up in old costume and talk funny. Chicks like. Men sleep. Me man. Me spleep.

Daddy Day Camp: Cuba Gooding Jr. need new agent. Bratty kid movie. Try not let kids watch then they wanna be bratty too. That not good.

The Invasion: Where pods? No have pod people movie without pods. This be good movie to sleep through. Are beds in theatre?

The Last Legion: This be King Arthur. Wait. We do King Arthur movie a week or two ago. Then another before that. There lots of King Arthur. Wonder if King Arthur ever get bored with himself cause he in movies so much. Me bored with King Arthur.

Rush Hour 3: Jackie Chan no speak good english. When last time Chris Tucker made movie? Why they in Paris? Anyone care? Me not.

Stardust: Comic book movie. Me like comic books. Not read this one though. Very fantasy-ie. Harry Potter people probably like. Me watch on DVD.

Superbad: Lotta people talk about this one. Huh-huh. McLovin. Sexy Sammich. Huh-huh. Me go watch if other people me hang with want go watch. Otherwise me watch on DVD when me bored and having no better to do.

Death at a Funeral: Frank Oz did voice of many Muppets. Me like Muppets. Him also direct this movie. Movie might be funny. British people talk funny. Me watch on DVD.

Lady Chatterly: Sexy movie with those little words at the bottom of the screen. Me like sexy. Me watch on DVD and no tell anyone.

Me have lots to watch on DVD in six months.

Post WWC Report

Welp, I'm back. How was Wizard World Chicago '07 you ask?

Wizard World was Wizard World. There were cool people and not so cool people. Lots of stuff to buy. People in costume. Good times. Bad times. Ridiculous amounts of stuff to buy. Pretty much the same deal as it always is.

I had some disappointments this year. I was stuck in the armpit of the Con again (what the hell? I got my money in back in January), and foot traffic was indeed tepid. Several other vendors weren't there this year as well. Pickle Press was nowhere to be found, nor was Mostly Independants, Adhouse Books, or Chicago Comics/Quimbys (again, what the hell? How can Chicago Comics NOT be at the Chicago Comicon?). I never found Paul Pope's new book Pulphope, nor did I find Gilbert Hernandez's Chance in Hell. Sales on Sunday were slow, and because I wanted to unload my last few sketches, we were practically begging people to buy stuff by the end of the Con. Also, I HATE driving around Chicago.

Enough whining, here's the good news. We met our sales goals. We had a handful of return customers from previous years. I bought a metric ton of 70s Kirby comics (I've got an entire run of Kirby's 70s Sandman! Woo-Hoo!), old DC issues of the Question (also finally completed that Rick Vietch mini from a year or two ago), some Dr. Who Merch (I'm the proud owner of a Sonic Screwdriver), and a couple of T-shirts (I got a Grindhouse shirt! WOOOO!). Chi-town's always good for shopping but bad for my budget. Also, we ate tons of Mexican (Tacos Locos!), and we ate Giadannos Pizza which makes the best Deep Dish Chicago style Pizza I've ever had the good fortune of almost stuffing myself to death on. And then there was Slave Leia. Eep!

Long story short, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that came out and supported TORC Press at WWC this year. I hope you're happy with your purchases. Your support will help to keep a small time publisher running, so there's that.

And now I go back to the sawmill in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Wizard World Chicago '07

Wizard World Chicago begins this Thursday (August 9th) with Preview Night, and continues through to Sunday. This will be my Fourth Year Exhibiting at the show, and my Nineth year Generally Attending the Con. I'll be leaving on Thursday, so this will be my only post on the main blog this week (aka, no Moviecide. If you miss Moviecide, here's all you need to do: Look up what movies are playing near you and then insult them even though you've never watched them. It's funny and cathartic.). If there's anyone out there reading this that's gonna be at the Con and is planning on stopping by the TORC Press Table (insert Laughter Here), here's the rundown:

Where I'll Be: Artist's Alley Table 5212B

When I'll Be: All Day Friday and Saturday, Most of the Day Sunday (we may leave early if business is slow), and maybe Thursday (depending on traffic).

What I'll Be Selling: Nothing fancy, just my entire stock of comics. That means every issue of SDF, New Super Duper Fun Comix, Death Nouveau, and Gulatta! There will be no Minis, T-shirts, or other promo items or freebies this year.

Convention Specials: None. Sorry, but I'm gonna need every last dime I can make this year.

Sketches: As always I will have a fat stack of pre-drawn, pre-inked "Sketches" at the show. These will be free with the purchase of any comics worth $2.50 or more. If you buy something off me, and you don't see a sketch you want, please feel free to request a sketch, I should have extra Bristol and art supplies with me. Also, I will do sketches in people's sketchbooks for Free, but only of my characters. I ain't drawin' Batman.

That's pretty much it. Hope to see you at the Con!

Moviecide-07/03/07

Moviecide is a column about outrage. Outrage over how Hollywood can produce movies that are so utterly rotten that you know they suck without even watching them. This is Moviecide.

Bratz- Bratz is a cancerous, diseased, disgusting line of toys aimed directly at a pre-teen girl audience and designed to turn little girls into an army of spoiled, materialistic fashionistas. This is the live action film adaptation. WORST FILM OF THE ENTIRE YEAR. I'm pretty this is also mentioned as a sign of the Apocalypse somewhere in Revelation.

The Bourne Ultimatum- Never got around to watching any of the Bourne movies, so it goes without saying I ain't gonna bother watching the third. For the record, there has been a certain amount of critical acclaim to this sleeper series, so there's that.

Hot Rod- Groan. Another movie that's built around people getting beat up and falling off stuff and getting kicked in the balls. Bored now.

Underdog- I hope Jason Lee got paid a decent chunk of change to supply the voice for Underdog. Otherwise, crap. Dog crap, in fact.

Rescue Dawn- The best POW movie ever was Chuck Norris's Missing in Action 2 (he bit the head off a rat and killed people with a flamethrower!). As a result, this movie is already a waste of time. Plus, not a fan of war movies, especially Vietnam ones. It's got Batman in it, though.