The Organism

Oh Man! I had the coolest damn dream last night!

So, there was a lot of the usual superfulous stuff in it. Like, for example, I was back in school again (this time it was an amalgation of High School and Community College). Also, in PE we had to race Push Mowers through a Corn Field. And Vernon Troyer (Mini-Me) was there. I was like, "Dude, why are you back in college?" and he goes, "I've got my future to think about." Anyway, none of that's important. Here's the important part:

In my dream there was a great Earthquake. Huge Earthquake. Split the city (or suburbs? Why was I in the city? And if I was in the city, how did I get to a cornfield later on?) Clean in half. And later, I'd discover the Earthquake had split the entire world in half. I then had a Dream Epiphany, and that was this:
The world is one cell, and after billions of years, that cell had subdivided. I imagined (how can you imagine when you're already in a dream) that throughout billions of billions of years, the cell would continue to subdivide, until it slowly transformed into an actual organism. A space organism of such collosal stature that we can't even really fathom its scope. And living both on the surface, as well as within this organism would be our descendants. Entire nations within this thing's colon, Republics being built on a fingernail. Would it begin to walk the universe in exploration, seeking out new sites, and possibly other Planetgods? Would it eventually find another one to mate with, leaving behind a new fertalized egg (much like those giant turtles) in the hopes that in the right conditions this planet would survive and thrive and walk the universe as well?

And then other ideas took hold (huh. Half my dream was day dream...). How would people react? Would they see the signifigance of this, or would they merely see the spontaneous generation of all of this new land as an excuse to go to war over unclaimed territory. I envisioned entire wars being fought over barren, rocky outcroppings.

Here's the really wierd part. The revelation that I was nothing more than a SUB-Microscopic organism growing on top of a fertalized egg actually didn't make me feel insignifigant. Kinda felt neat that I was a monster virus. Could be worse. Think of how insignifagant all the submicroscopic organisms growing all over me must feel. Oh to be a submicroscopic organism existing on a submicroscopic organism.

I could go on, but I feel the need to curtail this story. Twas only a dream after all...

Moviecide- 07/27/07

Welcome once again to Moviecide, a weekly column by a movie lover who laments how much movies suck nowadays. Totally biased, Moviecide looks at the new movies coming out each week and reviews them, without watching them, based on gut instinct, word of mouth, and watching previews. Yes, I am that big of a snob.

After last week's toxic film releases, I've decided to add a new feature to Moviecide. If I think a movie looks like crap, I'm simply going to compare it to a disgusting disease. The worse the disease, the more I don't wanna watch this film.

I Know Who Killed Me- Ebola Virus with a side of Small Pox. Yeah, Small Pox.

No Reservations- Skin Cancer (operable).

The Simpsons Movie- I'm gonna say what everyone else is thinking: This kinda smacks of desperation. I'm not saying this will suck, just not sure if it'll be any good. Probably on DVD.

Who's Your Caddy- Terminal Rectal Cancer

Sunshine- Hey! It's that new Sci-Fi film by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later)! I kinda wanna watch this. Not quite willing to drive 2 hours just to watch it, but definately on DVD, or if serendipity puts in a place to watch it.

At the Tivoli in St. Louis, MO:

Talk to Me- The ever excellent Don Cheadle stars in this biopic of an ex-con turned Radio Personality. The film looks really good, and Cheadle is almost always a reliable actor, whether he's the lead or in a supporting role. Again, like Sunshine, I'm not quite excited enough to drive the 2hrs to watch it. Once again, DVD or Serendipity.

Huh, two films that might be good, and a possible third. In one week. Maybe there's hope afterall.

Of course, then I'm reminded of "Who's Your Caddy?" Groan...

Stuff I'm Digging

Lessee, stuff I'm digging right now...

The newest BPRD mini series finished up on a high note recently. It was a great series that focused primarily on Abe Sapien and his history (sorta). If you get a chance, pick it up in comic or TPB form.

Justice League Unlimited Season One is AWESOME! Highlights include: Multiple episodes featuring the Question (Woo-Hoo!), Multiple episodes featuring Green Arrow, Supergirl and Power Girl in a catfight, Booster Gold not sucking, and lots of the Martian Manhunter. Oh, and the best part, there's an entire episode devoted to Mister Miracle! Best cartoon ever! (Well, maybe not, but it was still pretty cool)

I wasn't a big fan of Dr. Who as a kid (those Dalek thingies scared the hell out of me...EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! Brrr....). Anyway, I've been watching the show on Sci-Fi on Fridays, and I gotta say, I'm digging it. Last week's episode, set in a future earth that's one big traffic jam, was surprisingly enjoyable.

Lastly, but not leastly, I'm enjoying not being angry or depressed all the time. Definately digging that.

Moviecide- 07/20/07

Welcome to Moviecide, a weekly column devoted to taking Hollywood to task for all of the utter repugnant films it churns out every week. Moviecide is unfair and biasised. All notes are based on gut instinct, word of mouth, and watching previews. Please take with a grain of salt, but don't say I didn't warn you.

In Evansville, IN:

Hairspray- Well, let's see... Don't like musicals (well, usually, there are exceptions). Didn't like the John Waters version. Don't like Queen Latifa. And I think John Travolta is hamming it up too much in that cross dressing fat suit. Is that enough reasons to BOOO this one?

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry- Pop Quiz! Is this film: A) Stupid B) Not funny C) Boring D) Lame E) Insulting F) A Premise so bad it was terrible back when Bosum Buddies was doing it back in the 70s or 80s or G) All of the Above. (The Correct Answer is G).

And that's it. There's nothing new over in the Tivoli this week, although Paprika is still playing, so if you live in the area, now's a good time to watch it. Also, Sicko is still playing in Evansville...

Paprika and the Splurge

Boolah wanted to watch Paprika. I wanted to watch Paprika. Boolah goes, "Hey, you wannna watch Paprika?" I'm like, "Yokay." So, on Sunday we trekked out to Saint Lunatic for a little spice.

I hadn't been out and about for awhile, and I actually had some spending money for once, so I also declared Sunday to be Splurge Day as well. Here's some of the stuff I picked up: Fat stack of comics, Jack Kirby's Complete Silver Star (YES!), a bunch of copies of Jo-Jo's Bizarre Adventure (thank you buy 3 get 1 free sales...), the new Danzig album (well, it's actually a bunch of unreleased tracks, but I ain't complainin'), Justice League Unlimited Season One (Woo-Hoo! Any episode with the Question and/or Green Arrow was worth the price alone), and the complete Invader Zim. I should have plenty to keep me entertained for a day or two.

So, what about Paprika? Paprika is a feature length Japanese anime about a group of scientists who discover a device that allows people to enter other people's dreams. Obviously, someone gets hold of this device and starts using it for their own nefarious purposes. The flick is BEAUTIFUL with incredible imaginative imagery, a good soundtrack, and a great story. If you dig my stuff, you'll probably dig this, so if you get a chance, check it out. It's head and shoulders above 99.9% of the crap that's out there. Highest Possible Recommendation. Blahblahblah.

Moviecide 07/13/07

Whoops, almost forgot to do Moviecide. Anyway, here's the new movies that are out. I haven't watched em. Probably won't. Here's my opinion on em anyway.

Now Playing in Evansville, IN:

Captivity- Hey everybody! It's Saw! Except instead of a bunch of victims we've only got one or two! Too bad I hated Saw! Boo!!!!

Harry Potter and the Whatever the Hell- I say the same thing everytime a Potter movie comes out: I ain't read the books, I ain't the seen the previous films, and I just don't care. Moving on.

Now Playing at the Tivoli "Art" Theatre in St. Louis, MO:

Dynamite Warrior- Apparently this is by the same guys that made Ong-Bak. It's another martial arts revenge film. I'll probably check it out if I find it on video.

Show Business- This is a documentary about a year in the life of four Broadway productions. Ewww.

PAPRIKA!!!!!!!!- FINALLY SOMETHING I REALLY WANNA WATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem, Paprika is a feature length Japanese Anime that's about dreams. It looks really, really freaking cool. Me and Boolah are gonna go watch it on Sunday. I'll probably review it on Monday and see if it meets, exceeds, or falls short of my expectations.

Gulatta! #2

Whoo. Heat, humidity, fireworks, yard work, dehydration. A mixed couple of weeks. Anyway, the work was done a while ago, but money delays slowed it down. That don't matter cause...drumroll please...


GULATTA! #2 IS FINALLY AVAILABLE FROM TORC PRESS! EVERYBODY DANCE!

Right. Gulatta! is the same deal as last time. It's 12 straight pages of black and white fun and action for $1 plus $1 S&H. It's all ages. People get punched in the face. The plot is simple enough, a couple of guys are having a kickin' night out in Big Town when they run afoul of O.V.E.R.T. agents looking to wreck some property. Chaos ensues. This issue features appearances by Mr. Dark and the Puzzelor as well. It's fun, it's cheap, so order a copy from www.torcpress.com/comicshop.html if you're into cheap fun.

Moviecide-07/06/07

Right. Moviecide. New movies. Evansville, IN. My opinion. Let's go.

License to Wed- I feel really sorry for the various members of the cast of the Office who decided to make this crapfest their debut film. This actually looks slightly less funny than Evan Almighty. Pass.

Transformers- I saw a commercial where Transformers was already declaring itself the #1 film in America, and it's not even Saturday yet. Yeesh. Anyway, I think it looks like crap, but I've talked to a small handful of people who liked it, so there's that. Pass.

Sicko- Damnit! Sicko's playing this weekend, and I can't afford to go to Evansville to watch it. Sonuvabitch! Anyway, there's usually two reactions to Michael Moore. Some people think he's a Pinko Liberal Grandstanding Egomaniacal Propagandast (these are usually the people who haven't bothered to actually watch one of his films...) and other people think he makes incredibly important films that people watch and say are great but then do nothing to fix any of the problems that have been blatantly revealed. I fall into the latter catagory. I've been a fan of Moore since he did his short lived TV series on NBC, and the second I can scrape together Gas Money I'm going to this one.

Random Notes-07/02/07

Right. On with the show.

Did everybody catch the first ever Ring of Honor Wrestling Pay Per View on Sunday? The crew and I did, and I gotta say it was a great show (especially since it was only $10, way cheaper than other Wrestling PPVs...). It was only two hours, but it served as a solid introduction to the product, and it had a match between the Briscoe Bros vs. Matt Sydell and Claudio Castignoli that was INSANE! The next PPV (no idea when it airs...September maybe?) is the one they shot at Chicago where you may be able to see me and the gang from Clay City.

My career as a Reluctant Gardener has begun. Reluctantly. I've weed eaten the weeds, cut down some trees, trimmed a hedge, and mowed the lawn. I've still gotta spray weed killer on the back fence row and do some clean up. And find a way to dispose of a HUGE pile of branches I've cut down.

We certainly didn't fire fireworks at Fitch's party on Saturday. Nope. And one certainly didn't blow up right over my head. And I certainly didn't duck and cover as the bright colored flaming balls rained down all around me. Nope, none of that happened.

Speaking of Fitch's party, my new Cranium streak continues. Me, Boolah, and Fitch's cousin Charity defeated two other teams of three to win. Victory is fun.