Moviecide- 09/14/07
Right. Moviecide. Weekly Column. I insult new movies coming out even though I've never seen em. This week we've got three movies. They all look sucky. Let's roll.
The Brave One- Y'know, I might think this movie might be more interesting if they had entitled it "Jody Foster Shoots People in the Face". Anyone else think it's Really Creepy that a movie supposedly about Bravery features a chick who buys a gun and then goes around shooting people? Anyone? And from the looks of the previews, she kinda bushwhacks her intended victims. The previews can extoll the virtues of this chunk of trash all they want, but frankly, I think the film looks depressing and morally bankrupt and kinda dumb.
Dragon Wars- Speaking of dumb. Y'know what this looks like? It looks like a bunch of D&D obsessed Computer Programmers got together and said, "Y'know what'd be cool? If we made a movie about Soldiers fighting Dragons! That'd be Awesome!" Then some idiot actually gave them the money to actually make the damn thing. If I was 14 years old still, I might think this was the coolest movie ever. Unfortunately, at the age of 29 it just looks like an Amaturish CGI-fest slapped together by a bunch of hacks. Groan. And the really, really bad film is next...
Mr. Woodcock- Cripes. I'm sure somebody out there actually thinks this film looks good. I am not one of those people. I mean, didn't they already make this film? Wasn't it called "School for Scoundrels"? Didn't that movie look lame too? Anyone? That guy from those "American Pie" movies I never bothered to watch craps up the screen yet again (seriously, someone put this guy out of his misery) while Billy Bob just looks like he's goin' through the motions. Susan Sarandon must need a paycheck. Groan. Seriously, who's funding this crap?
The Brave One- Y'know, I might think this movie might be more interesting if they had entitled it "Jody Foster Shoots People in the Face". Anyone else think it's Really Creepy that a movie supposedly about Bravery features a chick who buys a gun and then goes around shooting people? Anyone? And from the looks of the previews, she kinda bushwhacks her intended victims. The previews can extoll the virtues of this chunk of trash all they want, but frankly, I think the film looks depressing and morally bankrupt and kinda dumb.
Dragon Wars- Speaking of dumb. Y'know what this looks like? It looks like a bunch of D&D obsessed Computer Programmers got together and said, "Y'know what'd be cool? If we made a movie about Soldiers fighting Dragons! That'd be Awesome!" Then some idiot actually gave them the money to actually make the damn thing. If I was 14 years old still, I might think this was the coolest movie ever. Unfortunately, at the age of 29 it just looks like an Amaturish CGI-fest slapped together by a bunch of hacks. Groan. And the really, really bad film is next...
Mr. Woodcock- Cripes. I'm sure somebody out there actually thinks this film looks good. I am not one of those people. I mean, didn't they already make this film? Wasn't it called "School for Scoundrels"? Didn't that movie look lame too? Anyone? That guy from those "American Pie" movies I never bothered to watch craps up the screen yet again (seriously, someone put this guy out of his misery) while Billy Bob just looks like he's goin' through the motions. Susan Sarandon must need a paycheck. Groan. Seriously, who's funding this crap?
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