Public Enemy #1
At the end of the day, I'm a decent enough. I'm no Saint, mind you, but decent enough. I've never done an illegal drug, I general obey Speed Limits, I pay my taxes, Insure my stuff on time, pay my bills, and generally try to avoid acting like an asshole towards my fellow human beings.
So, imagine my surprise when I got home at 4pm on Tuesday to find a business card neatly tucked into my back door. The Card had a Sheriff's Star on it, and the following information: Andy Meyers, Deputy. Clay County Sheriff's Office. James C. Sulsberger, Sheriff. PO Box 267, 300 Broadway Street, Louisville, IL 62858. Phone: (618) 665-3316. Fax: (618) 665-3318. There was no writing on the back of the card, nor were there any notes or notices left anywhere on the house. Regardless, at the mere sight of this card I became incredibly nervous and compiled a small laundry list of possible offences of varying degrees of ridiculousness that I may have commited. Most obviously, I compiled a long list of crap that my neighbors might have phoned the cops to complain about (I'm the only guy under 50 in my neighborhood, and I don't take very good care of my lawn). Of course, no one's actually tried talking to me in person about anything, so if this is a complaint, it's the first I've heard of it.
So, first thing I do, I call the number on the card.
"Hello. Clay County Sheriff's Office."
"Hello. My name is Joseph Morris. I arrived home today to find a business card from Deputy Andy Myers in my door. I'd like to know what this is about."
"Okay. Well if I can get your information."
Insert Me telling him my Name, Phone Number, and Address.
"Well, I'll call the Deputy and get back to you."
"So, you have no idea what this is about?"
"No, I do not. I'll call the Deputy and get back to you."
"Okay. Thank you."
Click.
So, I take the dog out for a bit, and get cleaned up. The whole time I'm having a mild panic attack worrying about what this is about. No Call. Me and Bro had plans of going to Olney to play Miniture Games with our buddy Dan. So, we take off. Still stewing. We get to Olney, meet up with Dan, play around a bit. Still Stewing. At 7:30pm (THREE HOURS AFTER MY INITIAL CALL) I recieve a call from the dispatcher.
"Hello, Joseph? The deputy is in your drive right now."
"Um, I'm not home. I'm in Olney."
"What? This is a cell phone number?"
NOTE: Clay City numbers start with 676. My number Does NOT start with 676. Gee, you think it's a cell phone maybe?
"Yes, this is a cell phone."
"Oh."
"So, do you have any idea what this is about at all? (Insert desperation here) I mean, if I'm in violation of some ordinance or someone's complaining about me, I deserve to know, right?"
(Insert Mildly Angry Authoritative Voice here) "I don't know what this is about, you'll have talk to him."
"Okay. Sorry. Thanks for your help."
Click.
(Obviously, the previous is not a point by point account, but is me paraphrasing what I can remember)
Anyway. I never saw the guy on Tuesday. I never saw the guy on Wednesday, nor did I recieve a phone call. It's now 10:34am on Thursday, June 21st, and I have yet to be contacted. This incident is lessening my quality of life because I've constantly got the idea that there's some Deputy stalking me all the time. I deserve answers.
HeeHeeHee. No seriously, whatta joke! The cops can't catch little old me? I spent the first part of the morning tooling around on the lawnmower in my yard. I'm not that hard to spot.
Anyway, I'm Declaring Myself to be a FUGITIVE FROM JUSTICE! From now on, on both of my blogs, every time I update my blogs I'm going to put a Counter that details the number of days that I have "Evaded" the law. This will make sure that the handful of people that read my blogs know exactly how incompetent the Clay County Sheriff's Department is. You'll never take me alive Coppers! Unless of course you show up at my house when I'm home, which is alot.
Days on the Lamb: 3
So, imagine my surprise when I got home at 4pm on Tuesday to find a business card neatly tucked into my back door. The Card had a Sheriff's Star on it, and the following information: Andy Meyers, Deputy. Clay County Sheriff's Office. James C. Sulsberger, Sheriff. PO Box 267, 300 Broadway Street, Louisville, IL 62858. Phone: (618) 665-3316. Fax: (618) 665-3318. There was no writing on the back of the card, nor were there any notes or notices left anywhere on the house. Regardless, at the mere sight of this card I became incredibly nervous and compiled a small laundry list of possible offences of varying degrees of ridiculousness that I may have commited. Most obviously, I compiled a long list of crap that my neighbors might have phoned the cops to complain about (I'm the only guy under 50 in my neighborhood, and I don't take very good care of my lawn). Of course, no one's actually tried talking to me in person about anything, so if this is a complaint, it's the first I've heard of it.
So, first thing I do, I call the number on the card.
"Hello. Clay County Sheriff's Office."
"Hello. My name is Joseph Morris. I arrived home today to find a business card from Deputy Andy Myers in my door. I'd like to know what this is about."
"Okay. Well if I can get your information."
Insert Me telling him my Name, Phone Number, and Address.
"Well, I'll call the Deputy and get back to you."
"So, you have no idea what this is about?"
"No, I do not. I'll call the Deputy and get back to you."
"Okay. Thank you."
Click.
So, I take the dog out for a bit, and get cleaned up. The whole time I'm having a mild panic attack worrying about what this is about. No Call. Me and Bro had plans of going to Olney to play Miniture Games with our buddy Dan. So, we take off. Still stewing. We get to Olney, meet up with Dan, play around a bit. Still Stewing. At 7:30pm (THREE HOURS AFTER MY INITIAL CALL) I recieve a call from the dispatcher.
"Hello, Joseph? The deputy is in your drive right now."
"Um, I'm not home. I'm in Olney."
"What? This is a cell phone number?"
NOTE: Clay City numbers start with 676. My number Does NOT start with 676. Gee, you think it's a cell phone maybe?
"Yes, this is a cell phone."
"Oh."
"So, do you have any idea what this is about at all? (Insert desperation here) I mean, if I'm in violation of some ordinance or someone's complaining about me, I deserve to know, right?"
(Insert Mildly Angry Authoritative Voice here) "I don't know what this is about, you'll have talk to him."
"Okay. Sorry. Thanks for your help."
Click.
(Obviously, the previous is not a point by point account, but is me paraphrasing what I can remember)
Anyway. I never saw the guy on Tuesday. I never saw the guy on Wednesday, nor did I recieve a phone call. It's now 10:34am on Thursday, June 21st, and I have yet to be contacted. This incident is lessening my quality of life because I've constantly got the idea that there's some Deputy stalking me all the time. I deserve answers.
HeeHeeHee. No seriously, whatta joke! The cops can't catch little old me? I spent the first part of the morning tooling around on the lawnmower in my yard. I'm not that hard to spot.
Anyway, I'm Declaring Myself to be a FUGITIVE FROM JUSTICE! From now on, on both of my blogs, every time I update my blogs I'm going to put a Counter that details the number of days that I have "Evaded" the law. This will make sure that the handful of people that read my blogs know exactly how incompetent the Clay County Sheriff's Department is. You'll never take me alive Coppers! Unless of course you show up at my house when I'm home, which is alot.
Days on the Lamb: 3
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