Stuff That Kicks

From what I understand, the internet is a place where people bitch about stuff and download porn. I wouldn't know, seeing as how I don't spend much time on this thing, despite having a website and two blogs. (Again, seriously, why do I need two blogs? Narcissism, pure and simple) So, just cause I feel like being the anti-internet, here's me not bitching about stuff and not giving away porn.

Clerks 2- So, I went into Clerks 2 with virtually no expectations. After all, Kevin Smith's last film, Jersey Girl, was kinda crummy, the previews for C2 didn't look all that great, and most of the people who have yammered about the film have said it was "okay". Imagine my surprise when the movie not only didn't suck, but was freaking Hi-larious! Clerks 2 has officially usurped "Art School Confidential" for the coveted Funniest Film I've Seen All Year Award. Is the film as good as the original Clerks? Well... not really. Clerks 2 has got a few painful flaws, namely the overarching story is pretty cookiecutter (the events that occur over the course of the movie are in no way cookiecutter, but the core is. Did that make any sense?), and there's a few awkward spots that drag. Still, that stuff is infinitely forgivable in the wake of so much comedic brilliance. Hell, even the stuff that's kinda sappy worked, in my opinion. Great film. Three thumbs up.

The Sloth- (Trade Paperback, Vertigo/DC)- Gilbert Hernandez's latest work is a stand alone graphic novel. It's about a small town, lemon orchards, urban legends, comas, and how a differing perspective can change everything. Like pretty much everything Gilbert does, it's unexpected, and the minimalist art is beautiful. Highly recommended.

Eternals #2- The Gods in Human Form riff continues. Ikari gets killed alot, Mark Curry starts to see the truth, and Sersi throws a party that nobody is soon to forget. Solid, but I'm still waiting for this one to kick into overdrive. Hopefully next issue.

Astro City Special- The Samaritan has dinner with his arch nemisis, with the story being told from the perspective of the "bad guy". Anytime Astro City comes out it is a must buy. Why? Because it's just so damn well written, that's why. Wanna see if I'm full of crap? Buy a copy.

"How Much for a Sketch?"

So, my table at Wizard World is in Artist's Alley #3235B.

When I'm at a Convention, my primary goal is to find and purchase Comic Books. Makes sense, seeing as how I'm at a Comic Con. Sure, I've been known to acquire other items at a Con. I mean, most of the T-shirts I own came from Comic Book Conventions. And, yes, I had that whole action figure phase, where I searched the Con floor for that rare Hellraiser action figure. And, okay, I may or may not have bought a bootleg DVD in my time. If I have, it's only because I thought that the movie was never going to be available otherwise. Y'know, like Battle Royal, which I'm pretty sure is still banned in America. Not that I did buy Battle Royal mind you(that scene where the evil guy ventilates the two chicks with an Uzi is freakin' sick!), I would never do such a thing. Anyway, the point I'm completely not making is that when I go to a Con, the bulk of my money goes to purchasing comics. I've almost never bought a sketch or original art off of somebody.

Unlike me, though, there's lots of Convention Goers who are seemingly only there to acquire artwork. And, hey, more power to them. The thing is, sometimes I'll get somebody to stop at the table, and they'll look through a book, and I'll explain all of the Convention specials, and they'll see my little stack of original art, and someone will inevitably ask the question, "How much for a Sketch?" I will never understand why people ask me this question. And here's why.

Typically, at a Con, if you want a sketch from anybody, even guys who have never been published before, it's gonna cost you about $10, give or take. Meanwhile, here I am, and my deal is: $5 gets you a 48 page comic, a mini-comic, and a sketch. That's original artwork, plus brand new comics material, for less than most people are charging for sketches, and people will still be like, well, I'm only interested in the sketch. Say What?

Another strange thing that happens at Cons, is that sometimes people will buy a T-shirt off of me, but won't even look at the comics. Why would you want a T-shirt for some comic you don't give a crap about? Don't get me wrong, I'll gladly take people's money, it's just something I don't understand.

Long story short, if you bring a sketchbook to my table, I will gladly draw a sketch in it for Free. I will only draw TORC Press characters though, so keep that in mind. And again, if you want a sketch, give me $5, and you'll get a free comic and mini as well.

More Fun with the Masters

I'm pretty sure I've rambled on one of my two blogs about the "Masters of Horror" flicks. For those of you uninitiated, "Masters" was a series of 13 one hour films by notable Horror film directors that were originally released on Showtime, and now are coming out (slowly buy surely) on DVD. Of the four previous releases, I considered "Cigarette Burns", "Dreams in the Witch House", and "Incident on and off a Mountain Road" to be full on flat out killer, while "Chocalte" was good enough for a viewing.

Four more have been released on DVD. Here's the rundown.

"Deer Woman" has a silly title, and is kinda silly in its own right. After all, the premise is that men are being seduced by a chick who just happens to have deer legs, who, after mating, proceeds to stomp her victims into paste. Yeah. Again, it's a bit tongue in cheek, but direcor John Landis (An American Werewolf in London) manages to balance the comedy and the horror in fairly equal degrees. I dug it.

"Sick Girl" is also kinda silly, but give the film points for originality. It's definately the only Lesbian Love Story Horror Flick about Mutant Bugs I've ever seen. Also, the characters are surprisingly well developed, all things considered. It could have used a little more blood and gore, and a little less humor, but that's really my only complaint. More "serious" horror fans won't like it, but I liked it well enough.

"Homecoming" is a pretty blatant anti-war flick. Actually, anti-administration would be the more fitting word. Veterans of "the war" start returning from the dead for the sole purpose of voting in the election against the incumbant president. When the party in office decides to rig the election anyway, well, that's when things get messy. The Ann Coultier (how the hell do you spell that creepy bitch's name?) stand in is pretty dead on, but they manage to keep the W. jokes to a minimum. If you're sick of politics (points at self) then this one may be a little tedious. And if you're a Conservative Republican, then this one may piss you off. Still, a surprisingly scathing indictment of the current administration. Not bad for a one hour splatter flick.

And then there's the best of the new batch...

"Pick Me Up" has a pretty simple plot. It's "Psycho Truck Driver" vs. "Psycho Hitchhiker" with some unlucky chick stuck in the middle. Literally. Besides featuring what I consider to be a great premise, the film plays the suspence for all it's worth, and throws us an incredibly clever twist in the end. Three thumbs up, not the best of the set (that's still a toss up between Cigarette Burns and Incident) but still quite enjoyable.

Belly of the Beast

Went to the new Super Wal-Mart in Flora yesterday. It's really much bigger than it really needs to be. There was a Dance/Tumbling competition outside the place when I came in, and a cook out when I came out. Small town Americana, baby. The layout of the place was unusual. I had trouble finding my way around. They should really give out maps when you enter the door at a Wallyworld.

My big crisis of the day was that I, for no good reason, wanted to buy a Nintendo DS. I compounded this problem by dropping off some film with the one hour photo. So I spent over an hour in Wal-Mart trying to convince myself not to buy a handheld gaming system that I don't need in the first place. It is funny though, you spend your adulthood having to pay bills that cost way more than the price of, say, a Nintendo DS, but then you go, I can't afford a Nintendo DS. Bah! Responsibility sucks.

Anyway, I got out of the place more or less unscathed, although as usual, I had lost all respect for humanity by the time it was done. Oh, and I did NOT buy the DS, but I did spend a buttload on groceries. Vegetables are expensive. I would start my own garden, but I'm up to my ears in bunny rabbits, so I'm pretty sure it would be a waste of time.

Too Many Titles

REVENGE OF THE SON OF WAL-MART

So, there's been a Wal-Mart in Flora (ten miles from Fabulous Clay City, IL) for as long as I can remember. Now it's gone, and has been replaced by, cue the music, a SUPER Wal-Mart. That's right, Flora, a crummy little waystation in the middle of nowhere now has a massive Supercenter that stocks tons of crap that nobody really needs. This essentially means, that if you start in Olney, and travel to Salem, you will encounter THREE Super Wal-Marts. I'm not going to the big grand opening today, but I'm sure I'll end up there sooner or later. There's no escaping Wal-Mart.

ATTACK OF THE WORMS

So, Audrey's got worms. This really comes as no surprise, and despite all my previous rambling, I'm definately gonna have to go to Wal-Mart (in Olney mind you, I've gotta get my allergy shot tonight) to get some pet meds. I hope I don't have to feed her those humongous pills...

FREE WEEKEND MY ASS

So, this is the only weekend all month where I don't have any plans to be all running around all over the tri-state area and beyond. It probably should be a nice, quiet time where I hang out with the dog, putting the finishing touches on "Drifter's Rhapsody", and maybe get a start on some new stuff. Then I find out that Clerks 2 is opening this weekend. Crap. So much for my open schedule. Of course, I may just wait till next weekend, since I've gotta do some last minute stuff before Wizard World: Chicago. Speaking of which...

RADIO SILENCE FROM THE WIZARD

So, it's, like, three weeks or so until Wizard World Chicago, and I still haven't been contacted about my table. Yes, I know, if I'm concerned about it, I should e-mail them, and I pretty much have to next week. The bummer is, that Wizard World is my favorite show, and I always get real excited about it every year. But this year it seems like Convention organizers have been pretty lax when it comes to contacting people. The exception to the rule is SPACE's Bob Corby, who contacted me months in advance. You go Bob!

LAME ASS REUNION

So, my 10 Year Class Reunion was at a crummy bar in the aforementioned Flora, IL a few weeks back. Apparently, it was either a huge success or a huge failure, depending on your perspective. If my information is correct, with some exceptions, the only people who showed for the reunion were the same people who go to the crummy bar every weekend. As for me, I was in Chicago at a Ring of Honor show watching Austin Aeries and Kenta BURN THE HOUSE DOWN. Which led me to an interesting thought. All the "hip" kids from my class are now a pack of losers so lame that they can't even arrange a Class Reunion that isn't just another Saturday night. Meanwhile, all the Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos are out there traveling across the country, working towards their dreams. I'd say the tables have turned. And just for the hell of it, just in case one of those Primates know how to work Google, it was the Clay City High School Clas of 96 Reunion.

A Few Quick Words on Victory Road

So, the TNA Victory Road PPV was on Sunday, and like most TNA PPVs here lately, there was a definitive lacklusterness to the entire proceedings. That's not to say the show didn't have its moments, the problem with the show, much like the previous show, lie in the match assignments. In general, the TNA roster can be split into two camps. On the one side, you've got exciting, young, talented, hard working wrestlers who have made a name for themselves on the independant scene (typically in ROH or CZW) and are willing to get out there and do everything in their power to rock the house. On the other side, you've got a pack of tired old has beens who no longer have what it takes to get it done in the ring, but because they've got name recognition, and they've still got fans (why are people still cheering for Kevin Nash? The dude's being held together by duct tape), so they get booked, even though they suck in the ring. (Actually, there's a third camp, also, which consists of overrated young wrestlers, like America's Most Wanted and Monty Brown (who, incidentally, is my pick for worst wrestler on the planet right now))

Anyway, that was the problem with the show. Too many good wrestlers stuck in matches with crummy wrestlers, and not a single match that could concievably be called Legendary. If TNA is going to survive, then they've gotta keep the heat turned up. Great Matches are their claim to fame, not has been wrestlers.

Oh, and the best part? My Pick for MVP of the night was GAIL KIM. That's right. Scrawny, hot as hell, female wrestler Gail Kim put on the best in ring performance at the whole show. She was one of the participants in a six person, intergender tag team match that involved herself and America's Most Wanted vs. AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and some buff chick they brought in to beat up Gail Kim. AMW looked like they were on sleeping pills throughout the match, and because Styles and Daniels had to work off of these guys, they obviously couldn't give 100%. As for the new buff chick, well, she was dead weight in the ring. But Gail Kim was ON. She hit all of her spots dead on, and she looked good doing it. Honestly, I had always thought the gal was just eye candy, but dang! she can go in the ring too.

Honorable Mention goes to "Showtime!" Eric Young, who didn't actually have a match, but managed to get publicly humiliated, stripped down to his underwear (he wasn't wearing matching socks), and still managed to give the best promo of the night. Anyone who can turn "Don't Fire Eric!" into a catchprase/chant deserves respect. Oh, and he asked the audience if they could keep a secret WHILE TALKING ON THE MIC! Comic Genius! I hope that Young can figure out what to do with himself now that Team Canada has disbanded, because that guy has got all the potential in the world.

Oh, and Sting won the Main Event, which means next month will be Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett, which means I'll be sleeping through next month's Main Event. Boo!

Random Notes on Sunday Afternoon with a Puppy in my Lap

Made ten bucks playing the slots last night. I have to be very careful. Gambling addiction would be very easy for me, but man I loves the slots.

"A Scanner Darkly" is quite good. Not killer, but quite good. Dark, strange, and ultra paranoid, the flick is worth it for the neo-rotoscoping animation alone. Considering it stars four actors that I HATE, the fact that I dug it is proof enough that it's worthwhile.

I've enjoyed the "Annhilation: Silver Surfer" series while it has lasted, and I'm fairly excited about the overarching Annihilation mini series. I speelled Annhiliation too differunt ways.

Audrey (my dog for those of you who are new) is trying to fall asleep in my lap. This is making typing difficult. Also, by admittingly this, my "Manliness Rating" has probably dropped a couple of points.

So, after hearing all of the hype, I decided to pick up the new comic "Casanova". It's not bad, but I honestly ain't sure what all the hype's about. I wasn't intrigued enough to pick up next issue.

The latest issue of "Shaolin Cowboy" is insane. Of course, every issue of Shaolin Cowboy is insane.

There's a TNA PPV tonight. I haven't been able to keep up with the weekly "Impact" program, so I really have no idea what's going on. Having no Satellite TV sucks.

Reviews, Set Two

A few more reviews from the Convention Floor at Heroes Con.

Tales of Insanity #1-8- Jay Gobble/Epitaph Graphix- Tales of Insanity reminds me a little bit of my first comic, Pulp Horrorshow. The format is similiar, namely, try to cram as many crazy ass stories into 24 pages as is humanly possible. Good, thick, black and white line work compliments a variety of action stories starring strange characters like a giant Bunny Rabbit superhero (thankfully, no resemblance to Lab Bunny) and a guy with a giant eyeball for a head. Nice.

Yellow Jackets #1- Charles Underhill- A mangaesque tale of a military group consisting of a street fighter, a chick, and a big cyborg tiger. Good art and a fast paced story featuring lots of cool looking vehicles and esplodions.

Big Old Bag of Magnet Man- Brien Wayne Powell with Various other creators- ed4time Press- I would put up the website links, but I tried them out ahead of time and they didn't work for some reason.- So, I traded a guy for an issue of SDF, and I got a package that contained two regular size comics and three or four minis. Cha-Ching! Anyway, the minis and one of the regulars are about Magnet Man, a rather simple superhero who may or may not have superpowers, and his various adventures. The supporting cast includes a guy named Cow Man. Funny stuff. The other full size is about a guy who accidentally casts his soul into a stuffed bunny (what is it with bunnies today?) that's locked inside a Prize Crane. Being a fan of the Prize Crane, I found the whole thing to be very funny.

Terrilbe Tales on a Smaller Scale- Geekboy Press- www.geekboypress.com - Two stories for the price of one. Robot Boy by Louie La Palombara III is a series of shorts about a Robot who has to put up with living with a snotty superhero. Michael Finkelstein by Eric Remer is sort of like a classic children's tale about a boy whose imagination takes him to strange and exciting places. Good stuff all around, complimented by really good production values.

Heroes Con Neighbor Reviews

Okay. I'm finally getting around to putting these up. Been kinda lacsidaisical lately. Anyway, for those of you who are new to this, I'll be putting up The title, studio, creators, a quick overview of the plot of the book, a quick review, and any website info. I will NOT put up mailing or e-mail addresses. Mostly because I know how junk mail works, and I don't really wanna contribute to it. If you are a creator who has a book reviewed in this column or a later one, and you want your address mentioned, simply drop a comment in the comments section.

Today we will be covering my immediate neighbors.

No Frailty- Updown Studio/Greg Carter. www.updownstudio.com Mini-comic. An action/romance story about a vampire woman and the guy who is prophesied to kill her, despite the fact that he's in love with her. Solid overall with a loose, yet vaguely experimental art style.

Abandon- Updown Studio/Greg Carter. www.updownstudio.com Mini-comic. A continuation of No Frailty, this time around we've got whole series of mismatched love interests going around as the vampire heroin and her sword swinging beau continue to develop their odd relationship. Stronger emotional resonance and good character development are the keys to this issue.

Gentlemen of Fortune/Mosquito- Updown Studio/M. Carter. www.updownstudio.com Mini-comic. "Gentlemen" is about a crazy guy who thinks he's a pirate, while "Mosquito" is about a dude who impersonates a chick in order to become a ballarina. Interesting meditations on the nature of identity, featuring an art style that's kinda manga, but also very experimental.

Bear Island Adventure Act I- Updown Studio/Keith Patterson. www.updownstudio.com Mini-comic. A simple story with a simple art style about the day to day goings on on Bear Island, which isn't supposed to have any bears, but does.

Legend of Terrar- Updown Studio/Elliot Dombo. www.updownstudio.com Mini-comic. Very manga fantasy comic about the adventures of a group of adventurers (a bit redundant there) adventuring on the high seas and fighting a giant sea serpant. Adventure!

Beware of Doug Vols 1-3- Manuel Aguilera & Sue Baute. www.manuelaguilera.net Mini-comics. The day to day life of Doug, a normal enough guy who just happens to turn into a werewolf at night. The books primary focus is showing how Doug attempts to deal with his condition. Well written, with a loose, cartoony art style that complements the overall feel of the piece.

And lastly, Shawn Surface was a really nice guy who started out across the road from us, then moved in next to us on the last day. He had a sketchbook full of excellent artwork, and he and some friends are on the verge of releasing a new comic called "The Super 7". You can check out his stuff at www.surfaceartstudios.com.

More reviews tomorrow.

We're Back from Heroes Con!

Alrighty! We are back from Heroes Convention in fabulous Charlotte, NC! Before I recount my travels, allow me to take a moment to give out a big old bag of thank yous. First off, we here at TORC Press would like to thank each and every person who took a second to stop by our booth and give us a shot. It doesn't matter whether you picked up a book or just grabbed a business card, and it doesn't matter whether or not you dug the books or not (although, I hope you did). What matters is that in a busy ass convention full of great comics that you took a couple of seconds to check out a book by some guy you've never heard of, and it's that support that keeps me going. Thanks, big time.

Also, I'd like to thank all of my assorted neighbors. I've gotten pretty lucky when it comes to Comic Book Conventions, cause I always seem to end up next to really cool people. All the various folks around me were great, and I hope that me and Brother Buzz's antics weren't too annoying. Thanks again!

And lastly, before I get started, I picked up a TON of Indy books at the Con, and I will review and give info on all of them in my next post, so keep your eyes peeled for that. Whoo!

THE TRIP THERE

It was a LOOONG drive. The scenery was nice, though. We ate at Big Boy for lunch. They've got a burger that's like a Big Mac if a Big Mac was made using real ingrediants and prepared in a conventional way. Not bad. Oh, and they had a killer Hot Fudge Brownie Supreme. Entered the mountains. Tried very hard not to die. Hate the mountains, no matter how pretty they are. We went to the show first, where it took us two tries to find the Hall and three tries to get out badges. Needless to say, I was a little flustered at this stage. We decided not to bother setting up until Friday, so it was off to our hotel. Now, our hotel was... um... well, it's not the worst place I've ever stayed, but it definately was one of the worst. Bah. Ate Waffle House, watched TV, crashed. Slept poorly due to low flying airplanes, cars peeling out, and a drippy air conditioner.

FRIDAY

Get there. Set up. It's funny, but there's lots of empy slots in Artist's Alley. Are these people too good to show up? Wha? Introduce ourselves to our neighbors to the left (more on them tomorrow), and not to our neighbors on the right, cause they never showed. A quick description of the Con. It's like a third of Chicago with all of the Dealer Booths and Artist's Alley crammed into one hall. And I mean that in a good way. No big fat booths for the Big Guns dominating the entranceway. And most of the dealers sell primarily comics. Sure there's a few Video, Action Figure, and Weapon booths, but in general, COMICS are the focus of Heroes Con. Hell, the only Real Celebrity who was there was Rosario Dawson (more on her on Sunday). Anyway, things look promising. There's a HUGE line of people waiting to get in to see the show. I'm excited. The Doors open. Nothing. People whiz by my table at the speed of light every so often, and that's it. Uh-Oh. An hour goes by with no sales and barely anyone stops at the table to even browse. Big Uh-Oh. Eventually, we decide to take matters into our own hands, and start throwing out the sales pitch to anyone and everyone unlucky enough to get near our table. We finally start making some sales, and I feel a little less like a schmuck. Foot traffic is still pretty poor though, so it's hard to get people to check us out. On the bright side, no one is rude to us, and of the people who don't buy a book, most are still fairly complementary, which is good enough for my ego. I take one quick trip around the floor later in the day to scope the terrain and buy some stuff (the latest issue of Love and Rockets, Ofelia and the Little Ones, and a bunch of 70s Kirby (the original Eternals series freaking ruled!!!!). The day wraps up, and I try to hide from Bro my overall disappointment at our sales. We go to a swanky place called Latorres for supper, which is a Latin American restaraunt. I had a really great chicken dish and then followed it with Flan. Hurray for Flan! Returned to the hotel, watched TV and read comics. Crashed.

SATURDAY

It's a brand new day, and the line outside is even bigger. It's time to hit these people with a double barrel of TORC Press Mayhem! Foot traffic improves, and we unleash our sales pitch on anything and everything that gets withing rage. I say the words, "Hey, got a second to check out a comic?" so many times they lose all meaning. We get enough sales to warrant coming back next year, which is pretty kick ass. I finally ran out of pre-made sketches, and am forced to draw more. My only activity of the day is to get Gilbert "Beto" Hernandez's autograph on the latest issue of Love and Rockets. And yes, despite my better instincts, I become a slavering, monosyllabic goober in the prescence of my favorite Hernandez Bro. Oy. The day wraps up, and I is happy. We go to the far edge of town, where we eat at an Awesome Mexican Restaraunt called On the Border, and then we go to Dave and Busters, which is like a Chuck E. Cheez for Adults. Bro drinks a couple of beers, we shoot some zombies, race some cars, play some Skeeball, and earn enough tickets for a stuffed Seal and two mini yo-yos. I proudly display the seal on my car's dashboard. Back to the hotel to crash.

SUNDAY

We have ZERO expectations for Sunday. Sunday, is traditionally not a good day for Con Business. So, it's time to act silly. We prominently display our Seal on the front of the table, and dub it "The TORC Press Seal of Aprooval (dear lord, I can't think of how to spell approaval...)". Ryan spends most of the day playing with his new mini Yo-Yo. We don't bother harrassing too many people because we know we've harrassed just about everybody. We sing a lot. We dance a lot. We swap jokes with our various neighbors. We get ahold of these little finger puppets and put on a puppet show. I take time to walk the floor and buy/trade for a bunch of Indy books, and Bro goes out and buys a bunch of Punisher and Preacher trades.

Doesn't sound like we were trying very hard, right? Well, here's the wierd thing. Sales DIDN"T SUCK on SUNDAY. Hell, we made about as much on Sunday as we did on Friday. We were actually get RETURN SALES. People that dug the book but didn't have money to buy earlier were actually coming back and buying stuff. HOLY CRAP! Oh, and the sale of the convention came when:

So, Bro's playing with his little yo-yo, right? Anyway, some fella stops and says, "I'm digging the yo-yo." Then, he whips out a Pro style yo-yo and starts doing all of these kick ass tricks and stuff. And Bro tries to yo-yo along but he screws up. Anyway, turns out the dude demonstrates yo-yos for Duncan. Cripes! Then, he buys a book!!! So, we got a sale by using a yo-yo that we got for Ten tickets at Dave and Busters! How the Hell does that happen?!?!

Oh, and then, somehow, Rosario Dawson was standing behind us. Huh? She was right there, and for the life of us, me and Bro couldn't think of anything to say. She's really short. What was she doing out in Artist's Alley, behind the tables no less? Anyone?

Oh, we also saw Warren Ellis pass by our table, and Joe Queseda when we stepped out of the elevator. And no, we didn't try to sell them any books.

Pretty much crashed Sunday night.

THE DRIVE HOME

Sucked.

Anyway, that's the be all end all. All in all, after a rocky start, I had an awesome show, and I'll probably do it again next year.