Eep!

So, in the next issue of SDF, Lost Jigsaw Pieces, I did a little bit where the Cartoon Me rants about how it's a little bit terrifying to work in the comic book industry when so many comic book companies, run by far better men than I, have bit the dust.

Almost prophetically, over at www.comicbookresources.com there's an article about fledging publisher Speakeasy Comics crashing and burning. Now, I'm sure if you're not into comics, then you've never heard of Speakeasy, but if you are, then you've probably heard a little bit about this little company. Speakeasy was notable for a couple of reasons: 1) They published a large amount of creator owned work, using a method (don't ask me for details, I've slept since then...) that was considered somewhat controversial by the industry at large, and 2) They had an uncanny skill at getting Press Coverage. I mean, I've never actually SEEN a Speakeasy Comic Book, but I sure knew alot about the company.

And now they're dead, and apparently quite buried.

Now, normally, I'd be having a little bit of a freak out. After all, these guys were a known commodity. I'm not a known commodity. Hell, I can count on two hands the number of people that know TORC Press exists. How can I survive when these guys couldn't?

Except, I'm not freaking out. Because I read the article. And according to the Article, Speakeasy made the ONE MISTAKE THAT 90% OF ALL DEAD COMPANIES MAKE. They had a deal lined up with a potential investor that woulda given them a fat wad of working capital. They started spending a bunch of money on stuff before the deal went through. The deal didn't happen, and Boom! the poor schmucks were left holding the bag. Over and over again. Hell, there's even a slight variation on it, which is a company ASSUMES they will make X amount of money, they start spending like they've already made X amount of money, then when they don't make X amount of money, they're screwed.

I gotta admit, one advantage to being a poor man's comic book publisher, I'm smart enough not to live beyond my means.

Heart Attack Sandwhich

So, I don't buy Maxim magazine, but a lot of my friends do. If I'm feeling snarky, I refer to the mag as "Porno for High Schoolers", which it kinda is. Having said that, if I'm bored in a Barnes and Noble or at a friend's house, I ain't too good to grab a copy and marvel at how they can get so many celebreties to pose in slutty positions in incredibly revealing lingerie.

Actresses wearing little clothes is not the point of today's entry, though. In Maxim a while back, they had an article on Absolutely Ridiculous Sandwhiches. Giant, Frankenstienian concoctions that were seemingly designed to thin out the population simply because of their sheer fat value. So, my Brother saw this article, and of course became inspired. "You want a retarded sandwhich," he thought, "I'll show you a retarded sandwhich."

It just so happened that Fitch was grilling out Brats on Sunday. One quick trip to the Grocery store and a bit of grilling later and we had the makings of the sandwhich. Below is the recipe. Eat at your own risk.

"The Bitchin' Fat Redneckmobile" Super Sandwhich:
One Slice of Garlic Bread, split horizontally (this is your bun)
One or Two Bratwursts
Chili
Sauerkraut
Onions
Green Peppers
Spicy Mustard
Chedder Cheese

A Quick Update or Two

Alrighty then. Head over to www.torcpress.com/webcomic.html. Not only is the new webcomic up, but we've changed the look of the webcomic page as well. The new logo was designed by me and implemented by my webmaster, Shafe. As far as the webcomic goes, it's another moderately autiobiographical piece, revolving around the creative process of dreaming up Nonreal every two weeks or so. Speaking of which, I still need to mail Shafe the next webcomic. Eep!

Pencils are done for the Cactus Joe story in the latest issue. By my calculations, the next time I'll have the money for a run to Evansville to get the book printed should be around March 11. If I've got the book done by then and successfully deliver it, then the release date for "SDF: Lost Jigsaw Pieces" should be anywhere from March 27 to the middle of April. Don't quote me on it though. Regardless, it should be in my possession before SPACE. I hope.

Con Air

It should pretty much go without saying that Conventions are the lifeblood of the small press self publisher. It's a great way to spread the word on your book, meet people both within and without the industry, and score a touch of working capital. My original plan this year was to attend WW:Chicago, SPACE, and the big dance, Comicon:San Diego. Unfortunately, after checking out the info for Comicon, I discovered that not only had I waited a bit too long to get the ball rolling (geez there's a mountain of paperwork involved just to sign up for Comicon...), but at the time I did not have the neccessary funds to secure a table. So, I made a business decision to postpone my trip to Comicon till next year.

I needed somewhere new to go. So after doing a little online research, I added to new Conventions to my list to replace the one. Below you will find the potential list of Comic Book Conventions that TORC Press will be attending this year. I say potential because the only one that is 100% confirmed is SPACE (in fact, head over to www.backporchcomics.com/space.htm to see me listed on the roster, baby). The other three I've either contacted and reserved a table, or I've mailed my check and crossed my fingers. Obviously, when I have 100% confirmation on any show I'll mention it on the ole blog here.

-SPACE (Small Press Alternative Comics Expo)- Aladdin Shrine Complex, Columbus, OH, May 13, 2006.

-Heroes Convention- Charlotte Convention Center, Charlotte, NC, June 30 - July 2, 2006.

-Wizard World: Chicago- Rosemont Convention Center, Rosemont, IL, August 4-6, 2006.

-Nashville Comic and Horror Festival- Nashville, TN, October 21-22, 2006.

It goes without saying that if you're a regular reader of this blog (all two or three of you), and you happen to be at one of these conventions, make sure to stop by the TORC Press Table, because we typically have lots of convention exclusive stuff, convention exclusive deals, and I generally think that we're a relatively friendly group of people to say "Hello" to as well.

Random Notes on Prez Day

It's President's Day, which is a pretty big deal here in Illinois. After all, Abraham Lincoln is the God of Illinois. Hell, he's even on our State Quarter (take that, other states that have things other than Presidents on the other side of the Quarter...). Here at MWPI (Morris Wood Products Inc.) we celebrate the only way we know how: By working.

Alright, I've pretty much been opposed to the War and our numerous numbnutted invasion strategies from the beginning. And I'm getting sick of listening to Bush lie about how the War is working, and it was the right thing to do, while at the same time telling us that we could all get blown up any minute. I have officially decided that I ain't eating crow on any of this until Bin Laden's dumb ass is caught. So that's my challenge for the current President, on President's Day no less, catch Bin Laden, and I'll upgrade my personal opinion of you from Murderous Cracker Retard to Overzealous Cracker Retard. Cool?

So, I had this freaky wierd neck spasm thingie last night. Or, I dreamed I had this freaky wierd neck spasm thingie last night. Either way, it was freaky.

Speaking of freaky, I also dreamed that the Planet was at War with Giant Worms. Now, there's definately some Freudian potential there, but let's not forget, that sometimes a cigar is a cigar, and a giant planet devouring worm is just a giant planet devouring worm.

So, normally those TRUTH commercials kinda bug me. I mean, who the hell is out there shelling out all this money to make these commercials and put em on the air, just to tell us what we already know, namely, 1) Cigarettes can kill you, and 2) Greedy corporations have been knowingly, and happily selling people a product that is potentially lethal. I suppose maybe kids need to be told that smoking is dangerous and whatnot, but come on! Except, I saw a commercial from the TRUTH group the other day that was actually a pretty interesting statement on the nature of Corporate Mentality in general. The commercial stated that a well known tabacco company gave X amount of money to a charitable organization. Then they spent Y amount of money (where Y is signifigantly greater than X) on an ad campaign telling everyone how charitable they are. Considering I remember those commercials, I found it all very funny. In fact, if I remember correctly, I think my reaction to those commercials was "Phillip Morris, We're not Monsters."

And no, I'm not related to Phillip Morris. But I am a Monster.

The Phoenix Dance

Sometimes, you get ready to do something. And you're excited about it. It's gonna rock. So, you start doing whatever it is, and things start going wrong. Before you know it the whole damn things unravelling, and you're going, "Maybe this wasn't such a hot idea". Then, when everything looks like it can't get any worse, and the whole damn situation seems unsalvagable, just like that, things turn back the other way, and everything turns out alright.

What am I talking about? Welp, here's a couple of examples.

So, I've been wanting to make Pork Torta for about a month now. It's a sorta Mexican BBQ that I've only recently become aware of. The problem was that the recipe called for roasted pork, and didn't have the tools for the job. I got a crockpot for my birthday, though, so suddenly, I was in business. Gathered up the goods, asked Pa how to operate the crockpot, and I'm off.

That's about the time things start going wrong. First off, I'm making a mess. Hell, not just a mess, a super mess. I'm working on the Bolillos (Crunchy rolls you serve the BBQ Pork Torta on), and I pretty much destroy my new mixer in the process. I'm juggling fixing a bunch of stuff, and forgetting to turn on timers, and it's all going to hell in a handbasket. I finally have my Bolillo dough ready, I preheat my oven, wait a bit, open it up, and instead of being met with a blast furnace of heat, I get coldness and the smell of gas. Yut-oh. Called Dad, dealt with the potentially lethal oven (the top still works but the inside may be useless now), and ended up baking some of the Bolillos two at a time in the toaster oven. Here it was 7pm, I had been cooking for hours now, my kitchen was a disaster zone, one appliance was trashed, another may have been, and I hadn't even eaten yet.

Now, here's the Redemption. The Pork Torta was Freaking Awesome! Normally, I'm not a big fan of BBQ, but this stuff combined smokeiness, spicieness, and sweetness to equal a tast that was just excellent. So, in the end, it was worth it.

Second example is the latest comic, SDF: Lost Jigsaw Pieces (which, for the record I still have over half to go yet...). When I started this issue, I was pretty excited. But as I started work on it, the more I started feeling like the issue was boring, poorly drawn, slow, and kinda lame. Which is not good. When you're a small press publisher every issue has to kick at least a little ass, or people are gonna get bored with your dumb comic real quick like. No matter what I did though, the issue just felt like a meandering waste of time. Then, one day, while I'm putting on the finishing touches to a Mosquito Island story, and things start looking up. In fact, the MI story's pretty good in retrospect. Then, I start work on the aliceislost story, and suddenly, I'm cooking with gas, baby! And even the Cactus Joe story, which I was really afraid was gonna fall apart on me, has some really good character bits and some funny stuff. Again, just when I thought things were gonna go to hell, things have a way of turning back around.

Doo-Wop, Shoo-Wop

Shafe'd call it Global Warming, I'd call it Standard Illinois Weather, and loonies would call it the Wrath of God, but whatever you call it, the Weather continues to be bezerk out in these parts. Yesterday was in the sixties, then the massive storm hit all across the state, now it's in the teens. Lovely. Here's hoping I don't get sick again today.

It's kinda funny how in today's day and age, where everything seems to be about Choice, how few I've got. On the TV front, I've got four channels that come in: 1) The world's worst Fox affiliate (how bad is my Fox station? They preempted American Idol for a College Basketball game. Now, admittedly, I wasn't going to watch either Idol (screw that stupid show) or the Ball Game (snore), but my point is that my local Fox preempted the most popular show in America. Yeesh), 2. PBS, 3. Channel 13 which shows a mix of infomercials, religious programming, and old, old syndicated TV shows (Guess who watched Gomer Pyle last night), and 4. Channel 24 which is like an even lamer version of Channel 13.

Radio's no better. I've got four channels that come in that Don't play Country music. One of those channels mostly plays Pop or Golden Oldies, so I don't listen to it much. One channel used to play Classic Rock, but they changed formats and now play Lite Rock, so I don't listen to that channel anymore. One channel still plays Classic Rock, although their playlist could use some work. And, finally, one channel plays College Alterna-Rock (which nowadays ain't much different than Pop...). How lame is my morning drive to work? Three of the four channels play the Illinois Farm Report at the same time, which is the most boring broadcast EVER. Yet, I still end up listening to it almost every morning because that's how much I hate most of the songs on the College Radio Station.

The Moral: I need to get rich so I can afford Dish Network and Sirius Radio (or at least a CD Player for my car). For today's cheap plug, you can help in that endevor by heading over to www.torcpress.com/comicshop.html and buying a comic or three. (Actually, I'm kidding. Any money I make on comics goes right back into making more comics, not purchasing cool stuff. Responcibility and whatnot.)

Speaking of the Comic, got two pages inked last night. Hoo-Ha!

Scribbledeegok

This week's big task has been penciling. For most comickers, Penciling is the most integral part of the entire comic making process. The Penciler gets second billing on the credits (after the writer), and Pencilers are sorta the celebrities of the comic book industry. The Pencilers pencils give shape and form to the work, and although Inkers are not tracers (Kevin Smith is a great director and writer, but damn I wish he hadn't wrote that bit in "Chasing Amy"), most Inkers leave little of their own style behind, which means that most of the work that the reader looks at is the work of the Penciler. Because the Penciler needs to leave as much detail as possible on the page for the Inker to work off of, Penciling can be a long and lengthy process. I read in one article that Jim Lee takes about One Day to Pencil One Page (now, whether one day meant 8, 12, 14, or 24 hours is unknown to me, but still, whoo, that's a long time).

Penciling works differently here in TORC Land. I don't write a script, so in many ways the Penciling process and the Writing process are indistinguishable. In addition, I'm my own Inker, so I don't need to draw in every single last detail during the Penciling. Hell, my pencils are so rough it's sometimes borderlines on ridiculous. But again, because I know every single thing that's supposed to go onto the page ahead of time, I can flesh out my loose pencils in the inking process. (Quick examples of things I never pencil: Cracks in cement, grass, bark on trees, shadows (unless their positioning is integral) As a result, I can Pencil with an incredible amount of speed. Last night I penciled something like 5 pages or so. Take that, Jim Lee.

Crossed Out

Back in the olden days, Comic Book Cross Overs were simple and cool. For example, I'd be reading "The Silver Surfer", and Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman would hang out for a few issues. Characters would interact, stuff would happen, then everything would (more or less) get back to normal.

Then, along came the intercompany crossover (actually, intercompany crossovers started way before I started reading comics, but I digress). At first, they were even kinda simple. You bought the core book to give the overlying story, and then there were sorta related side books you could pick up if you wanted to add a tiny bit of depth to the main story. For example, I could read "Infinity Gauntlet" #1-6 and pretty much get the entire story of the Infinity Gauntlet, but if I read this issue of Spiderman or that issue of the Hulk, then I might pick up little bitty side pieces of the story as well. But the cool part was, all I needed to do was read the main story, and it was all good.

Then things got more intricate. I remember, once again, I was reading "The Silver Surfer", minding my own business, when all of the sudden there was an issue that was directly linked to a big crossover involving Thor. And I mean Directly linked. As in this issue picked up where another (non-Silver Surfer) issue left off. Now, I had already bought the issue (cause back then I just bought every issue of the Silver Surfer sight unseen), and here was an issue that made no sense and had nothing to do with what had happened in the previous issue. The only way I could make sense of it was to buy a bunch of issues of comics I wasn't reading.

Which is, of course, the marketing ploy. To get the whole story of these elaborate crossovers nowadays, you've got to buy the whole thing. It's the comic industry's lovely way of trying to milk the fans dry.

Now, obviously, if you could give less than a crap about alla these crossover schnanigans, the best defence would be to skip issues that are part of a big crossover, right? Hell, I was reading a couple of the Batman books over at DC for awhile, but I stopped because every time I turned around there was another freaking crossover gumming up the works. It got to the point where you almost had to read all 6 or 7 Batman books every month just to understand what was going on. Screw that, I said.

Thankfully, the way I buy comics has changed. I typically follow writers and artists, not titles. Typically, the best writers tend to work on titles that don't end up in the middle of crossovers every ten minutes, and on the rare occassion that they do, you can usually check the credits on the front cover to find out whether the writer wrote this crossover issue or whether they brought in some hack.

The big advantage to this is that I can pick and choose which Crossovers interest me and which ones don't. For example, I'm not reading Infinite Crisis, Omac Project, or Rann/Thanagar War at DC, but I am reading Seven Soldiers. I'm not reading Planet Hulk or any of the half dozen other crossovers at Marvel, but I'm gonna try out the Annihilation crossover (big surprise: this one features the Silver Surfer, as well as two other characters from my childhood, Ronan the Accuser and the Super Skrull).

So, are crossovers good or bad? They're neither. They're just stories. They can be interesting and exciting, or they can be dull and tedious. Some are little more than cheap marketing gimmicks designed to get you to buy a bunch of books you'd never buy, while others are intricate, brilliantly written works of comic art. And that's that.

Of course, then there's always the intercompany crossover...

D'Amor

Welp, it's Valentine's Day. I think. Not like I ever really need to pay attention to whether or not this day pops up. My big Valentine's Day plans? Fix Cactus Chicken, work on the comic, and watch the most romantic movie of all time, Tromeo and Juliet. And no, that's not a typo.

Still, I am a romantic at heart, so allow me to wish alla you folks that have a little somethin' somethin' in your lives a wonderful VDay.

Unrelated Side Note: The title of today's piece, "D'Amor", was taken from Harry D'Amor, a detective who appeared in several Clive Barker stories, most natably "The Last Illusion", the film adaptation "Lord of Illusions", and the second book of the Art, which I believe was titled "Everville" (I think). Anyway, Louie D'Amor was an alias I used back in high school/post high school. I would occasionally call myself, "Louie D'Amor, Professional Cook". Oh, and I wasn't the only one with a ridiculous alias. Boolah was Ray Cansella, and Bro was Morgan Van Meter.

Screw the News

Man, I am sick of the news. All it is is A) How much the world sucks, B) Who we're about to go to War with, C) Who we're still at war with that's killing our troops, D) Who's planning to Kill us, E) What exciting new virus is going to kill, F) Politicians, Businessmen, and Celebrities who are all fabulously rich and how they're better than us because they're rich and famous, and G) How the aforementioned people can break the law and get away with it.

But there's no way to escape the news. It's on the computer when I sign on in the morning. It's on the radio when I drive to work. It's on CNN, which Dad watches in the morning when I'm scamming breakfast off of my parents. I've gotonly one network, which is Fox, which means the news comes on at 9pm instead of 10. I'm sick of going to Church and listening to people yammer about how they watch the news, and now they're convinced that this is the worst that the world has ever been and that the Apocalypse WILL arrive in our lifetime. Sick Sick Sick.

But, Joe, why do you wanna be ignorant? If you don't watch the news you'll be uninformed. Good point.

Except, we're all ignorant about something. If my car breaks down, I ain't gonna know how to fix it. If I want it fixed, I either call Dad, or I get it towed to an Auto Shop. Most people out there haven't read Watchmen. Most people can't draw a guy getting his hand cut off. Most people haven't climbed Mt. Everest, or biked the Tour de France, or been wrapped in barbwire. Most people haven't walked on the moon. Most people don't take a little bit of time out of their busy day just to be nice to someone else for a little bit. Y'see what I'm saying? Hell, I dunno if I see what I'm saying.

I think the point I'm trying to make is this. In this country we are continuously innundated with what is refered to as "News", from all angles, from multiple media, at all times. There's virtually no way to escape it. And for the most part, modern news is a nonstop horrorshow that only inspires fear, ignorance, rage, and apathy in the viewing public. I'm just saying, every once in a while, try to remember that is good in this world, that you're more important than how much money is in your bank account, and that we've all got skills (nunchuck skills, bo staff skills, computer hacking skills) that make way more interesting that any stupid ass news item, no matter how big that tsunami was or how many people it killed or how many times they tell us it over and over.

You dig?

Devour

Warning! If you dig Mexican Food, do not read the following blog entry while you are hungry!

So, Saturday was my big Birthday throw down. The plan was simple: Invite over Ma, Pa, Bro, Boolah, and Fitch, eat homemade Mexican food, score gifts, and watch old video tapes we had made way back when. (Side note: Man, I still ain't got the best skin in the world, but woogah did I look bad when I was 16.)

What was the menu you ask? Welp, we had ourselves a good ole mix and match Taco Buffet. Here's the rundown:

-Tortillas: Homemade Flour and Homemade Corn
-Fillings: Queso Fundido (aka Melted Cheese), Chipotle Marinated Pork, Aqua Negra Steak, and (my own special recipe) Cactus Chicken
-Cheez: Chedder and Queso Fresco
-Homemade Salsas: Roasted Ancho (thumbs down), Smoked Chile (meh), Red Roasted Tomato (Thumbs Up), Spicy Tomatillo (Two Thumbs Up)
-Sides: Sour Cream and Santitas Tortilla Chips

For Dessert Ma fixed up a Lemon Cake served with Ice Cream and Chocolate Syrup. Needless to say, I had to be wheeled around in a motorized cart for the rest of the night. Made out like a bandit on the BDay gifts as well. The Moral of the Story: Every so often I may bitch and moan about my status in life, but at the end of the day, I gots it made baby.

Talkin'

So, a few posts back I was talking about the three things that stand out about my comic (well, technical aspects, actually. I mean the comic kinda stands out due to sheer wierdness, ultra-violence, and bizarre need to mix genres...). To recap, those aspects were: My fight scenes, characterization, and dialogue. Last time we did a little dissertation on Fight Scenes. This time it's on dialogue.

Dialogue is really pretty easy to write. Good dialogue sounds like stuff people actually say. Bad dialogue doesn't. That's the basic secret. That's also the main reason why most people don't take alot of Fantasy and Sci-Fi stuff seriously. Fantasy dialogue has a tendency to sound overwrought ("Lo, mighty sorceror, you think that I shall fall to your magic bolts, but I say thee nay!"), while Sci-Fi stuff tends to get jargon laden to make it all futuristic-y ("I'm going to take the Port Jump to the nearest Space Plank so I can grab a Vadoolan Craglodar and Jetset out of this system). Now, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with a little jargon here and there, or having one character who speaks entirely in flowery prose. The problem is when your entire Cast sounds like either A) a group of lab geeks or B) A pack of failed Shakespearean actors. When that happens, you're gonna alienate alota people just through your dialogue. And who needs that?

I've been told the best way to tell whether or not your dialogue works is to read it out loud. If it sounds clunky, then it's probably clunky, and you should fix it. I dunno whether that works or not. I just write people the way they sound in my head.

Now, here's another important tip, not everybody should sound the same. People have different patterns of speech, and good dialogue should reflect that. I talk fairly quickly. Most of the time, when I talk, my speech is quick and too the point. When I've got something I really wanna talk about, though, I can Rant for a long time. My Dad, on the other hand talks REALLY slowly. And he puts big pauses between certain sentences. When you're writing dialogue, remember that dialogue reflects character just as much as anything else.

For some examples of my dialogue, head to www.torcpress.com/comicshop.html and score a book or two. Haha! Cheap plug!

Also, here's some guys who are absolute masters of dialogue. Most of em are British, so take that as you will...

-Peter David (Lots of stuff, but most famously the Hulk)
-Garth Ennis (You wanna see a diversity of dialogue? Check out Ennis's Preacher. You wanna see a book ruined by too much stylized dialogue? Check out Ennis's book "Dicks")
-Alan Moore (Alan Moore's wrote every kind of book imaginable, but probably the best example of his skill at dialogue is "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". League is set in Victorian England, and the whole thing reads like a period piece, without giving you a splitting migraine or being confusing.)
-Neil Gaiman- (Pretty much the same deal. Gaiman's "Sandman" series encompassed multiple time periods and a varietous cast of hundreds of characters, but the dialouge always felt right, regardless of whether it was being recited by a modern traffic cop, an ancient Japanese Thunder God, or a Box representing Order.)

Anything or anyone I'm forgetting?

28

And so it is the day in which I was dragged outa my Ma's womb with tongs (still got the scar, too). Although I dig my birthday well enough, there's not much of signifigance to it this year. I'm a stones throw away from 30, which is pretty freaky. Other than that, my 10 Year High School Reunion is supposed to be this year, but it don't matter cause I ain't goin', cause I know it's gonna be chumpchange, cause my class was chumpchange. Still, another spin around the planet definately warrants a taco dinner with the works, so that's the big plan for Saturday.

I was gonna Rant about how much Ultimate Extinction annoys the piss out of me, but for some reason I'm not in the mood right now. Honestly, Ultimate Extinction is a pretty cool series if it wasn't supposed to be about the Silver Surfer and Galactus. The, um, liberties that Warren Ellis has taken with two of my all time favorite comic book characters has left me cold. Screw Ultimate Extinction.

Lookie-Lookie Part 2

Alrighty! We gots a new webcomic up at www.torcpress.com/webcomic.html. Check it out. This week's features Me and Buzby, and is something of an autobiographical strip about the difficulties I have brainstorming up the webcomic, as well as a bit of a comment on my ever worsening eyesight. Enjoy!

In unrelated news, remember the Rant about Fight Scenes a few days ago? Welp, the new issue of Shonen Jump is out, and the brawls in both One Piece and Naruto are barnburners. Check it out. Big time.

Lookie-Lookie

So, for the one or two of you that regularly read this blog, you might notice a slight cosmetic change in the look of things. That's right, I've got a cleaner color scheme and a header featuring my loyal assistant, Buzby the Fly. This is the start of many additions and enhancements to the greater entity that is www.torcpress.com. My hard working webmaster, Shafe, gets all the credit for the grunt work, though, cause I'm kinda computer illiterate. I drew the illustration though...

Speaking of the website, one of the oddest things about it are the ridiculous ways people end up on the site. Somehow Google seems to fish my site out of the ether for some strange key words. Here's the January list of Google search words. Enjoy.

Samurai Shamploo (I only wrote one review for this series, and I've only bought two DVDs (not cause I don't like the series, but because I'm broke), but somehow this damn review draws people to my site like flies on molasses)
Nice Ass
Sin City Breakfast Tacos
Mt. Vernon Illinois Deer Kills
Jalepeno Burn on Skin
Effingham Sucks
Camaflouge Paint Jobs (I think I wrote that once, in reference to some of the vehicles in the local area)
Best-Buy Carbondale Illinois Sucks (Obviously people like to look for the word Sucks)
Wallace and Gromit summary a close shave
Nicaragua Travel (when the hell did I ever say Nicaragua? Besides now?)
in special edition do cj really have sex (say what?)

Today's Moral: I wish comic book fans were successfully Googling this site, and not Angry Camoflague Sex Obsessed Nicaraguan Vacationing Samurai Shamploo Breakfast Taco fans.

Hamstring

So, I've been working on this one section of the comic for a bit now. And it has NOT been working out. The art looks like crap, the story's not flowing, and when I work on it, it feels like I'm walking up hill in knee deep mud. Still, I wanna get the damn thing out of my head and finished.

Despite this, last night I decided I wanted to get some serious work done. So, I switched over to another story in the same issue. Ka-Boomie! Not only did I get four pages Penciled, Border-Inked, and Lettered, I also did the finished inks for two of the four pages. All in one night. After work ran long. After I did the dishes, got cleaned up, and ate (leftover tacos, nummy).

The moral of the story: Um, sometimes a story works and sometimes a story don't. I think.

Stupor Bowl

Every year I watch one football game. Every year it's the Super Bowl. Every year I'm surprised at how boring, overhyped, and lame the whole shebang is. Mostly, I just use the thingamajig as an excuse to hang out with friends and family and consume large quantities of junk food, so Mission Accomplished on that front at least.

Super Bowl commercials universally sucked, so much so that I am never eating Burger King or drinking Diet Pepsi ever again. That's right boys, your ads were so crummy that you have lost a customer for LIFE. (Okay, admittedly, I didn't exactly drink Diet Pepsi before, but it's the principle of the thing) The only entertaining commercials were for beer, with the overall message seeming to be: "Alcoholism is good". So screw those guys too.

Movie Previews? Shaggy Dog: Sucksucksuck. Mission Impossible 3: Suck. That thing with Bruce Willis with a mustache and some Rapper Dude: Sucksucksucksucksucksuck. V for Vendetta: The Jury's still out on this one, but the preview did indeed suck, nothing but explosions and a bald Princess Amidala. Word of mouth on that movie is really gonna have to pick if I'm gonna get interested. Especially since the creator of the original (must read) story, Alan Moore, has already removed his name from the project and deemed it to be garbage.

Now, to keep this from getting too negative, I'd like to say that for all the crap that was Super Bowl Whatever Number, I still had fun hanging out with my Pa and my Crew, which, for me, is the real meaning of Super Bowl Sunday. And I ate Chips and Subs and Hot Wings and Chips and Dip and Chips and Hot Wings and Ice Cream with Brownie and Chocolate Syrup...

Big Down, Little Ups

So, I finally got around to checking out the paperwork for Comicon International San Diego yesterday. Yeah. Not good. After some mental number crunching and a lot of soul searching, I have come to a rather disappointing conclusion: I can't afford to go to Comicon this year. Now, I'm not giving up on the biggest show in the American comics scene, I'm just putting it off a year. If I start saving now, and I start making preparations around October or November of this year, I'll be able to rock it hard style in 2007.

But all is not a bummer here in TORCLand. I'm already signed up for SPACE, and I'm gonna mail my application for Wizard World Chicago '06 today. In addition, I can now afford to go to one other decent show this year. I'm not sure where or when yet, I've got do some surfing to check out my options. I'm kinda leaning towards Wizard World: Texas for two reasons, 1) It's in November, traditionally a very boring time for me, and 2) I have an inexplicable desire to see Texas. I may end up going somewhere else though...

As promised, I'm clean shaven. My Ma thinks I look like a convict. Personally, I think I look like a clean shaven derelict.

My Bristol Board (finally!) came in. Now the only thing that's preventing me from completing the comic is my own laziness, not lack of supplies.

I've got a stack of stuff for the website that I'm mailing to my webmaster today. Included in the package are two new webcomics. That puts me around 7 to 8 weeks ahead. Woo-Hoo! Everyboday dance!

Can't believe I forgot Steve Dillon on my fight scene list. I did mention his frequent collaborator Garth Ennis though...

Rock 'em, Sock 'em

You can criticise my comic twelve different ways from Sunday, and that'd be cool be me. I may have an ego, but I'm still smart enough to realize that my comics not perfect and there's lots of stuff that I still need to work on and improve. Thankfully, I have my entire life to get better. Still, there are three things I will not gleefully accept criticism about when it comes to SDF. They are 1) Characterization, 2) Dialouge (well, most of the time. Occassionally my dialouge gets clunky, but sometimes I make my dialouge intentionally clunky...), and, the point of today's Rant, 3) Fight Scenes.

My Fight Scenes Rock. Period. And anyone who says otherwise is just being a dingus. Like I said, you can rag on just about anything else about the comic, but that's where I draw the line. So, today, I'm going to share with the greater electronic public the secrets to crafting a good fight scene. But first a couple of quick side notes...

First off, a quick plug. If you wanna see a TORC Press Fight Scene in all its gory, er, I mean, glory, then head over to www.torcpress.com/comicshop.html and order an issue. Whore it, whore it, whore it.

Also, just because I'm good at Fight Scenes don't mean I'm the Master. Here's some guys that put me to shame:
-Jack Kirby (pretty much anything)
-Frank Quietly (especially The Authority and WE3)
-Paul Pope (the later issues of THB)
-Akira Toriyama (pretty much anything, but especially Dragonball Z)
-Eichiro Oda (One Piece)
-The Guy that does Naruto
The aforementioned books all come highly recommended, of course.

Anyway, here's Joseph Morris's Top X Rules for crafting a good fight scene:
1) Don't have everyone just throw punches. Mix things up. Throw in some kicking, some stabbing, some blasting. Whatever. If all everyone does is punch each other, your audience will quickly get bored.

2) Pain. In a fight, the more things look like they hurt, the more your audience will be drawn into the fight. I go WAY over the top when depicting pain. Eyes bulge, teeth grit, tongues stick, and big, scary men scream like little girls. The more it hurts the characters, the more the audience feels it.

3) Damage. Nothing annoys me more than seeing a knock down drag out fight scene where everyone gets up at the end all nice and clean and unhurt. Screw that. When characters fight there should be consequences. Clothes get ripped. Eyes swell shut. They get cuts and scrapes and dirtied up. Their hair goes to hell (unless they've got a lotta product in it). If one guy blasts another guy with an energy blast, it's gonna fry the other guy's clothes, blister his skin, and probably cause a little internal bleeding. Plus, the dude will probably be smoking a little. Again, this is the same as the Pain Rule. The more you express the brutality of a fight, the more your audience will be drawn in.

4) Do Something Unexpected. Garth Ennis is a comic book writer, so he don't do art. But, he Writes some of the best Fight Scenes in comics, mostly because he's a Master of this last rule. If your audience doesn't see something coming, then you can shock em a little (or lot), and make em go, "Wow! That was frickin' cool!" Which should pretty much be your goal with any Action story. I'm constantly brainstorming new tricks to throw into a fight scene. Some are simple little things (like Pengy throwing Cactus Joe the Lead Pipe in SDF: Perfect/Ugly) some are more complex (Cactus Joe's bizzarre mutant arm in SDF: Sombrero Friday). Regardless, although I have some "Moves" that are tried and true, I'm also always trying to come up with new ones to keep my audience on their toes.

Anyway, that's my tips on crafting a good fight scene. If anyone can think of some I've forgotten, or you've got some comics with kick ass fight scenes that I haven't mentioned, drop a comment on the old blog. Rock.

Random Notes on Groundhog's Day

I only know it's Groundhog Day cause the local news has been yammering about for the entire week.

If I had to do like Bill Murray and relive one day over and over and over, I sure as shootin' would hope it would be a weekend. Reliving a workday into infinity would suck ass.

Things I would do on an Infini-loop Groundhog Day: Nothing that I couldn't take with me, so Art would be a waste of time. I'd probably doodle every day to keep my skill level up, and that's about it. Rent out the movie store. Drive alot. Do things I don't normally do, like hang out in seedy bars and try to pick up cheap sluts (can't catch VD if you start the day over! Yee-gads, I think I went too far on that one...), start playing the trumpet again (actually, I don't think that one would work, cause my lip would reset every day...), um... crap... cook a bunch of different stuff maybe? Geez. I'd suck at reliving a day over and over.

Moving on.

So, all the guys in my family have mustaches. We refer to it as the Morris Mustache. Dad, Uncle Rodge, Uncle Steve, my Grandpa, my Brother Ryan. All gots the Mustache goin' on. Guess who don't sport a stache? Yep. Me. Anyway, I haven't shaved in about a week, so I've been sporting a mustache of my own for a little while. The conclusion I have come to: I look like a frickin' dingus with a mustache. Soon as the weekend hits, I'm goin' back to being aerodynamic.

In an act of questionable sanity, I decided that my couch was impeding my work. The damn thing is just too comfy, and everytime I lie down on it, I don't wanna get back up. Having no place to store it, I decided my best bet was to just upend the thing. So I did.

First thing I'm doing after I pay the utility bill on Saturday is to get some groceries.

It's February!

So, anyone else watch the President's State of the Union Address? Yeah, me neither. I've had enough lies, double talk, and heartlessness for one year. Still, I find it pretty appropriate that the W. decided to do his state of the onion address on the last day of what has easily been the worst January in some time. (For example: Yep, my house is heated by natural gas, so the price doubling has pretty much been the reason for the aforementioned Lockdown. Oh, and I will be around tonight (Wednesday), so if you're in the neighborhood Tate, stop by) That month was a bitch, but it's over now, so let's move on.

Now, I'm sure most of you are saying, "Gee, Joe, how can you possibly get excited about February? The weather is insane, there's nothing important going on, and it's a short month, which means that you've got even less time to get stuff done than usual. And don't forget the horror of Valentine's Day! All the people who have somebody are running around like chickens with their heads cut off tryin' to pretend to be romantic for one day, while the rest of us lonely bastards sit around at home contemplating suicide. This month sucks!"

Now, you've got a good point there. Still, February is still the month in which I was dragged (with tongs no less) kicking and screaming into this world, so I figure that's pretty important. Most people after they turn 21 start to hate their birthday, or at least become ambivalent. Me, I figure any year I make another trip around the sun is good enough for me to celebrate.

Plus, my luck's already starting to pick up. I got an e-mail from Blue Line stating that my Bristol Board is finally, finally on its way. Woo-Hoo!