Year in Review: Movies

Woof. What a dog's ass year for Movies. DVDs continued to become prime entertainment, while the movie theatre became a place to send your kids when you didn't wanna spring for a sitter. Bad movies, bad audiences, bad revenues, bad, bad, bad. What was good about this movie season? Welp, here's what I came up with (read: what I can remember...).

March of the Penguins- Big surprise, the cute penguin movie appealed to the guy with a comic that features a cute penguin. Beautiful, lyrical documentary that's actually legitimate fun for all ages.

Howl's Moving Castle- Absolutely breathtaking anime from the master himself, Myazaki (spell?). Funny, exciting, bizarre, beautiful, everything a good movie should be and more. Further proof that there's still life in 2D.

A History of Violence- The latest from one of my favorite directors, David Cronenberg. This film made my ass squirm. Mind games, ultraviolence, and a film that will make you think for days. You've been warned.

The Devil's Rejects- Speaking of squirming, Rob Zombie's dirty as hell flick was so intense that you almost need to be on tranquilizers to watch it. The scene in the hotel room is just as brutal as anything from a 70s grindhouse flick.

Kung Fu Hustle- Chuck Jones meets Kung fu. Zany, funny, wierd, exciting. The fact that the kick ass martial artists become goofier and goofier as the movie progresses is reason enough to watch the flick.

Mirrormask- Whoo. Purty. Very purty. Like poetry or a fairy tale given movie form. Visually, this was one of the most daring films of the year.

Star Wars Episode III- Everyone else can bitch about the prequels, but not me baby! This was the perfect endcap for the prequels. Best Space Battle Ever. Best Lightsaber Duel Ever. Anakin burns away and only the Monster that is Vader remains. The Emperor finally gets to show why he rules. And General Grievus. Hell yeah, General Grievus. This flick was what it was all about.

The Brothers Grimm- Director Terry Gilliam makes a semi-mainstream film, and has fun doing it. This truly is a fairy tale come to life, with a solid cast and lots of good old fashioned Gilliam magic.

(I'm sure there's gotta be a film or two I'm forgetting. But that's the way it goes, you write up an end of the Year list and there's always a film or two you forget. Screw it, let's just jump to the best film of the Year...)

The Year's Best Film: Sin City-
Was there ever any doubt? Gutsy, crazy, sexy, funny, smart, dumb, wierd, creepy, violent, brutal, ugly, beautiful, controversial. Beloved by people with good taste, hated by schmucks. Nothing else this year even came close to this act of cinematic daring. Mickey Rourke deserves an Oscar for his performance as Marv. No joke. I will buy the Uncut super edition tomorrow, and I'll probably watch the movie four or five times throughout January.

Movies I wanted to watch but didn't for some reason: Kontrol, Palindromes, Wallace and Gromit, King Kong, Chronicles of Narnia.

Honorable Mention: Batman Begins- Story: 4 Stars, Fight Scenes: Minus 500 Stars.

If anyone can think of a flick or two I've forgot, drop a line on the Comment section.

Year in Review: The World

It's time for some Year in Review Action. Our first topic: The World. Now, admittedly, I didn't spend alot of time in the World this year. I spent most of my time inside my own skull, which, as most of you know, is located on some other planet. So, to do a semi-accurate review of the World at Large, I need to use an outside source. Namely, the News. According to the News, the World Sucked Ass This Year. Hurricanes killed people and wrecked places. Tsunamis killed people and wrecked places. Tornados killed people and wrecked places. Earthquakes killed people and wrecked places. Bush got caught lieing about a bunch of stuff, but apparently none of it was bad enough to get him impeached. Some gal couldn't cope with the grief of losing her son in Iraq. She wanted answers from the President. The Prez went into hiding. Half the country called her a bitchwhore and demanded she be burnt at the stake. The other half wanted her to become a newly minted Saint. She was just trying to deal with her sadness. A bunch of people got pissed off that some gal who was a vegatable might be killed. A bunch of people got pissed off that some gal who was a vegatable might not get killed. The gal couldn't voice her opinion cause she was a vegatable. Lots of folks died in Iraq. Good guys, bad guys, civilians, young, old, tall, fat, skinny. All dead. Blown up, shot, and blown up some more. Some folks died in Afghanistan too, but we forgot about that place, even though that was supposed to be the place that started this whole mess. The rich got richer. The poor couldn't get any poorer. The Middle class worked its ass off and still pretty much became the working class poor. Gas got retardedly expensive. We all got poorer still. We found out that gas shouldn't have been that expensive and that we all got robbed. Nothing happened to the bad guys. The Taliban got away. Arrested Development got cancelled. The weather got weird. Someone came up with the term carbon footprint. People tried to get thin, but we all still ended up getting fatter. The movies pretty much sucked and didn't make much money until Harry Potter came out. A bunch of sports guys acted like dicks. A bunch of celebrities acted like dicks. I occassionally acted like a dick.

Long story short, the World was the World. Same as always.

Nothing has any meaning. Everything is signifigant.

And Moving On

Welp, stick a fork in Christmas '05, cause it's done babycakes! Long story short, I got lots of cool stuff, I gave lots of cool stuff, and for a little while peace on earth and good will toward men seemed like a possibility. Then I watched the news. Ugh. More on that in a later blog.

The post Christmas Watchdogs Christmas Party, which we have now renamed "A Very Cactus Christmas" went smashingly well. Long story short (again), much Mexican food was made, much Mexican food was eaten, I gave out cool gifts, I got cool gifts, we watched the greatest Christmas movie ever (read: Die Hard), people painted, and it was cool to get mi familia together, even for a little while. The only downside is that now my kitchen looks like the fifth ring of hell. Which, incidentally stems from the fact that although I love to cook, I am the messiest cook who ever lived.

In the good news department, I've got this week off of work. As I've mentioned both on this blog and in my comic, I work at the family sawmill. The only employees are my Dad/Boss, my brother, and myself. My grandpa also works there, but he is semi-retired, which means he takes the winters off. Anyway, Dad's on a well deserved vacation in Las Vegas, which means me and Brother Buzz are on a well deserved vacation in Clay City. So far, my vacation has consisted of getting ready for the party yesterday and watching most of the DVDs I got for Christmas. I'll probably get serious about working on TORC related stuff tomorrow.

Speaking of TORC related stuff, the Free Sketch Promotion ends January 7th, 2006, so keep that in mind as well.

Rock the Chimney, Baby!

This is it, Cats and Kittens! The home stretch. Even as I type this, the Big Man himself, Santa Clause, is way up North looking over his Big Ass List. The Elves are running around finishing toys, filling up Santa's Never Ending Bag, feeding the reindeer (what do reindeer eat anyway?), and making sure the sled's in tip top condition. That's right, it's the Eve of Christmas Eve, and it's about time for Big Red to hit the World like he owns it. I'm psyched myself, and I hope you are too.

Since this'll be my last post until after Christmas, let me just say, once again, that SDF: Sombrero Friday is available (Christmas plug!), so check the main site (www.torcpress.com) for details. And to alla you out there, let me just say Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Feliz Navidad! Happy Hannakuh! Happy Kwanza! (I am not intentionally misspelling these words. Any misspellings are purely coincendintal) And for the handful of you that think Christmas is just one big scam, then I hope that Santa gives you the money for an operation to remove the stick from your ass. Lighten up! As the song goes, it's the most wonderful time of the year!

Happy Holidays from TORC Press! Ho-ho! Hahahahahahaha!!!!

TORC-a-Go-Go

Holy crap! My webmaster went postal on me! The main site (www.torcpress.com) is literally crawling with updates, so check it out.

For starters, once again, SDF: Sombrero Friday is available for order. We've only got mail order right now. The comic will be available in the online store sometime after the holiday season. In fact, my webmaster will be in Illinois in a couple of days, so I can just give him his comp copy then, and save myself a buck or two in mail. Woo!

If you're curious about what's in Sombrero Friday, check the previous post, which has a quick rundown of the issue.

In additonal addition, the new webcomic is up at www.torcpress.com/webcomic.html. This one features SDF's own version of the Odd Couple, Queelix and Quagmire. Their rather straightforward rant should be a nice change of pace from the utter insanity of the last few issues. So check that out.

Two more days of work to go...

SDF: Sombrero Friday is Available!

No more debates, cartoons, singalongs, and endless discussions on the nature of reality. Nope. Because today, "SDF: Sombrero Friday" has returned from the printers! Woo-Hoo!!!

The basic rundown is the same as always. SDF: SF is a 48 page Black and White comic with a B&W cover printed in standard comic format. It's anthology style. The overall theme of this issue: The Fine Art of the Beatdown. That's right, after last issues calmness, this issue is an almost nonstop bruhaha. I like mixing things up a bit. What's in this issue?

Cactus Joe the Clown: The Clown, Pengy, Voodoo Dolly, Walt and Sped, and Frimpy all head out for a relaxing day of fishing. But their day out gets ruined when a pack of beer guzzling rednecks show up and start chucking bottles. Mayhem ensues.

El Gorio: El Gorio stumbles across a plot to rob a train full of gold. Will he foil the plot, or turn it towards his own ends? Needless to say, mayhem ensues.

King Smooth: This is a very important story, as it introduces a very central villian to the TORCverse. Otherwise, it's pretty much impossible to describe a King Smooth story, so, let's just say that Mayhem ensues!

Also, this issue includes new short strips featuring Buzby, Chupa-Chupa, the Crows, and Joseph Morris. Also, there's a one page introduction to a new strip called "Cogs in the Machine".

The book will be available online soon, but for those of you who ain't in the mood to wait, a copy can be acquired by sending a check or money order for $6.50 ($5 plus $1.50 S&H) to:

TORC PRESS
c/o Joseph Morris
330 S 5th St SW
Clay City, IL 62824

In addition, to further accomodate mail order, the Free Sketch Promotion has been extended until January 7th. ALL orders postmarked before then will be accompianed by a sketch, even if you've already requested one. Dance the night away.

Sing Along

Ahem...Lalala!

On the Twelth day of Christmas my True Love Gave to Me,

12 Lead Pipes Wrapped in Barb Wire

11 Flame Throwers

10 B-Grade Movies

9 Pairs of Red Canvas Hi-Tops

8 Hours of Sleep

7 issues of Seven Soldiers

6 Bad Ideas

5 ISSUES OF SDF!!!!*

4 Karate Chops

3 Bowls of Salsa

2 Meat Cleavers

And a Taco in a Chile Tree!!!!

*Or at least, there will be 5 issues of SDF eventually...

Random Notes, Christmas Edition

Alright, the shopping is done. Just a few more Art Projects, and I'm set for Christmas 05.

Instead of putting up a Christmas tree (for the last two years I haven't gotten around to buying one...), I have decided to invent my own holiday tradition. I call it, the Hooskavoo Man. To make your own Hooskavoo Man, simply take some wire and shape into a vaguely humanoid shape. Mine looks like a horribly deformed midget. Then cover your wire skeleton with paper mache. After the paper mache dries, paint that bad boy up, and then hang it (preferably from the neck) in your house somewhere. Place some presents underneath it, and voila! Christmas for the bizarre!

So, did anyone watch the President's Address last night? Yeah, me neither.

I'm actually feeling very festive this year, but at the same time, I've been avoiding a lot of Christmas functions I usually attend, and I am officially sick to death of Christmas music. Ugh.

So, apparently, a lot of cities and/or states are starting bans on smoking in restaraunts and public places. Here's my two cents on the subject. I HATE smoking. It's dangerous, it ages people prematurely, and it smells bad. I'm brutally allergic to smoke. If I spend any amount of time in a heavily smoked area, I start coughing and sneezing uncontrollably, and my eyes swell shut. BUT, this is America, damnit, and last time I checked, it should be the Choice of the owner of an Establishment as to whether or not smoking should be allowed on his/her premisisces (spell?). This anti-smoking ban, no matter how good a decision it may actually be, is ultimately, very Un-American and wrong. And, again, this is coming from a guy who can't stand the Residue of smoke.

Wrapping Up Christmas

One weekend before C-Day. Geez, time flies. Anyway, I've got a little more shopping to do, and a small handful of Christmas related art projects to complete, and I'm done for the holiday season. If I kick it in gear and don't get lazy, then I should be able to get everything done this weekend.

Speaking of Christmas, one good way to keep me on my toes would be to get in on the Free Sketch Promotion. Remember, the Free Sketch Promotion only lasts till Christmas Day, so make sure to stop by www.torcpress.com for all of the details. Make me work harder than the Elves. C'mon! I can take it!

What Up, Doc?

Alright, the last post was a bit much, and it's doing a snow/rain mix outside today, so it's officially time for a pointlessly silly post.

So, I'm trying to figure out which Looney Tunes character I most resemble. The two candidates are Pepe LePew and Wile E. Coyote.

Why I am Pepe LePew: I'm a Romantic on the inside, but women ultimately find me repulsive. My grooming habits are questionable. I really like French Bread.

Why I am Wile E. Coyote: I often present myself as a fairly intelligent person, but at the end of the day, I'm pretty dumb. My schemes typically blow up in my face. No matter many times I fall off a cliff, get blown up, smashed, and/or crushed, I always get up and come back for more.

So, whada you folks think? Also, feel free to drop a comment on the blog about which Looney Tunes character you think you most resemble and why. Being silly is fun.

Me am Sane?

I haven't written a Rant that makes me come off like a lunatic and alienates my audience in awhile, and since today's a Monday...

Okay, there's some important parts of my central character that you have to understand before we begin today's story. First off, I'm a Baptist. I'm not a Holy Roller, and I'm not trying to preach or anything. But at the same time, I'm not ashamed of my Faith. It's an integral part of my overall package. It's also an important aspect of the following story.

Second important thing to remember about me: I'm a walking paradox. For example, I'm a sane, rational person who is completely out of his mind. See? For the purpose of this Rant, what you need to understand about me is that I am pretty much a Realist, in that I don't really believe in the supernatural, and I mostly accept the things I am told as fact. (Except for Evolution and the Origin of the Universe, I don't believe in that crap, and not for some dumb ass religious reason. There's just too many obvious holes in those theories. I mean, come on, if you spend any time thinking about it, it all sounds like a fever dream.) Now, here's the paradox: obviously, I believe in a Supreme Being, right? So there's a part of me that is VERY open to the possibility that there is more to EVERYTHING than meets the eye. How do we know that Sasquatch isn't real? How do know the Earth is round? How do I know that I'm typing this, and not locked up in an insane asylum somewhere? I don't. And there's always a possiblity that all of those things, and more, could be true.

Still with me, or have I scared you off yet? Okay, here's where things are really gonna get screwy.

So, I'm dreaming last night. I can't lucid dream. Dunno how. When I dream, I am trapped in the dream world with no way out beyond my alarm. In my dream last night, I'm hanging around my house, swinging around my boken (spell?). A boken is a Japanese wooden training sword. I keep one around the house for no real good reason. Sometimes, if I've been working in the studio too long, I like to pace around pretend I know some actual Kendo katas, which I don't. It's just my way of stretching out when I've spent too much time drawing. Anyway, I'm swinging my sword, when all of the sudden, the wooden blade stops dead in midair. I've hit something. In thin air. Now, I know this is a dream, but you gotta remember, this FELT VERY REAL. I'm like, wha? So I swing again. This time, no resistance. Suddenly, I get pissed off and just start running around the room swinging wildly at thin air. After four or five swings, all of the sudden, I hit that invisible thing again. Immediately, I start swinging with all of my might at this invisible spectre, and this time I hit it several times in a row. Suddenly, the invisible obstacle lets out an inhuman, high pitched shriek that is unlike any sound I have ever heard in my entire life. That's when I realize that I've been hitting an Angel, and that this Angel is Pissed Off.

And then I wake up. And frankly, I'm glad I did, cause if I'd have stuck around there much longer, I might be a pillar of salt right now...

Updates from the Igloo

This was supposed to be a Rant about the Humongous Snowfall, but I've got more important things to Rant about than the weather.

Namely, the latest installment of the webcomic, SDF: Nonreal, is up over at www.torcpress.com/webcomic.html. As usual, thanks go out to Shafe for getting the webcomic up, and frankly, the scan looks really good. So check that out, if you are so inclined.

For a little bit of background, "Liquid Jar" started out as an experimental story in the highly experimental (read: highly flawed) Bunnyville Experiment, which I did back in my Xerox comic days. It wasn't very good, but it was really wierd, and sorta served as a precursor to some of the more bizarre comics I've come up with lately. In SDF: Crumpled Planet, near the end of the book is an untitled short strip. I liked this wierd ass strip so much, that I wanted to make a semi-regular addition to the comic. All I needed was a name, so I remembered Liquid Jar. One quick recycling job later, and the new Liquid Jar was born. For those of that like the web strip (and for the record, if you do like the Liquid Jar webcomic, then, like myself, you probably need professional help), you can find the first new installment of Liquid Jar in SDF: Very Odd Jobs. I am such a whore.

And speaking of whoring, the Free Sketch Promotion is still rolling. Check out details at the main site, www.torcpress.com.

Original?

So, I really need a topic right now, so I'm gonna tread some old ground.

Over on his column on www.comicbookresources.com, Eric Larson rambles about how, at the end of the day, there are very few truly original characters out there. In fact, even Superman and Batman, the twin fathers of pretty much every superhero ever, were based on previously existing characters/ideas.

I remember a column by Dave Sim, the creator of Cerebus, where in a fit of pro self publishing mania, he stated that if your lifelong goal was to be the artist or writer of, say, Batman, that you didn't have to go to DC begging for work, you could just take Batman, change his costume a little, and voila, write/draw Batman.

Now, I've Ranted about this same topic myself on at least one occassion. And on that occassion I've admitted that most (if not all) of my own characters have their roots in other places. That's just the way it goes, ideas have to come from somewhere. What makes my characters unique is what I do with them. How they act, how their dialouge sounds, and what situations I put them in. So, for example, even though Cactus Joe the Clown has elements of Sweetooth from Twisted Metal, Pennywise from It, Pinhead from Hellraiser, Pro Wrestler Cactus Jack, and historical samurai Myamoto Musashi, when I ultimately write him, he acts like, well, Cactus Joe, and not any of those other guys. It sorta like how some people see Pengy and immediately think of the Penguin from that one Wallace and Gromit short. Actually, Pengy was originally inspired by Opus from Bloom County, with the Penguin from W&G coming in later. But, again, if you read the book, you know that Pengy acts quite differently from the characters that inspired him. Hell, right now I'm working on a group of characters that are painfully inspired by Jack Kirby's New Gods.

Am I making excuses for laziness? Hell, I don't know. Just stating that everything draws inspiration from something is all. How far we take it is up to us.

Why Can't He Just Be Some Idiot?

I've got more time to Rant than usual, due to the fact that I couldn't sleep this morning, so, let's roll.

The Fangoria Blood Drive DVDs are these fun little comp DVDs. Essentially, a bunch of amatuer filmmakers make their own short, low budget horror films, and then send them in to Fangoria magazine. The best X number of flicks get thrown onto the DVD. Being a fan of low budget flicks, I generally get a kick out of most of the stuff on the Discs. In addition, Fangoria actually tosses out some cash to get someone to host the thing. The first DVD is hosted by Rob Zombie, the second by that Julia chick from Uranium (my fellow metalheads should recognize the name...). In further addition, there's also some kickin' extras on the DVD. The first one featured a tour of Clive Barker's art studio (very, very cool) and a little mini-doc on that guy who did the effects for the Terminator. I wanna say Stan Winston, but it's 5am and my brain no work so good. The second discs features a mini-doc on the effects crew over at KNB (represent! chuckle, chuckle), and (this is the actual point of this Rant) an interview with the Man, the Myth, the Legend Bruce Campbell.

Besides some fun little tidbits, the interview featured Bruce talking in length about his most famous character, Ash from the Evil Dead films. If you've ever listened to Mr. Campbell talk about Ash on, say, a commentary track before, you know that Bruce sees Ash as something of a useless moron, whose only actual skill is that he's really, really good at fighting Deadites. Anyway, he sorta reiterates this idea in the interview, but then he takes it one step further by talking about all of the heroes in film nowadays and about how everybody's always some bad ass, ex-CIA, ex-FBI, ex-hitman type of guy. Campbell asks the age old question, "Why can't the Hero just be some kind of idiot?"

Which got me to thinking. And I came to the relization that, quite frankly, most of my own characters are raging morons. I mean, Broken Tea Cup, the Cosmic Fool, and BoJangles are all bumbling idiots who just stumble thoughtlessly through life. But the real winner of the bunch is my main character, Cactus Joe the Clown. Frankly, the dude has no actual worthwhile skils (which I think I amply demonstrated in Very Odd Jobs...), and he's not all that bright. I mean, Batman he's not. The only thing he's really got going on is that he's an idiot savante at killing.

Where the hell was I going with this? Ah hell, who knows?

Free Sketch promotion still going on, check out details on the main site, www.torcpress.com.

Survival Shopping

Alrighty, the bulk of my Christmas shopping is done. I hit Fairview Heights (a sorta Illinois suburb of St. Louis, and one of my favorite haunts) on Saturday, and using my Combat Driving Skills I managed to get in, get presents for a lotta people, eat at Olga's Kitchen, and get home in time to attend Fitch's Post Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Day Party. Which featured fireworks. Yeah.

The key to Survival Driving in Fairview, by the by, is simply this, Never Drive on the Main Roads. Always use side roads. There's a lot less traffic because everyone is too stupid to use the side roads. I'm sure this philosophy can use with any large shopping community with interlocking parking lots.

So, I'm starting to become afraid to play Cranium. We played on Saturday, and my team won again. To date, I have played something like 5 to 6 games of Cranium and never lost. I've never been that consistent at anything before, and I'm beginning to get nervous everytime someone suggests playing that game. Further proof I need professional help.

The Free Sketch promotion is still on like Donkey Kong. Check out details in either the previous post or on the main site at www.torcpress.com.