I Watch A Lot of Movies This Weekend

How many movies? Welp, Boolah and I are watching "Broken Flowers" and "Murderball" in the historic Heart theatre tonight. Then tomorrow I roll solo to somewhere to watch "A History of Violence" and "Corpse Bride". If I could find Mirrormask, I'd watch it too. Hm. That gave me an idea... Wait up a sec.


DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF I DRIVE TO THE TIVOLI THEATRE IN ST. LOUIS I CAN WATCH MIRRORMASK AND THE ARISTOCRATS! THEN I CAN DOUBLE BACK TO FAIRVIEW HEIGHTS AND WATCH A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE AND CORPSE BRIDE.

Waitaminute. Reality is settling in. There's no way in hell even I can watch Four movies in one day, especially considering it's a two and a half hour drive just to get to one of the theatres, then a good forty five back to the other. Unless, of course... hm. How far will a lunatic like me go to watch the movies he wants to watch when they finally become available?

Production Update

So, I put in a call to the Print Shop yesterday, and I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, "SDF: Very Odd Jobs" should be available in October (of course, that's three months late, and you'll note I used the word should instead of will). The bad news is, the guy on the phone said it won't be done until Monday, October 1st, which means I won't have the book in my hands until either late that week or early the next week.

Now, in the Olden Days, I would have responded to a failure of this magnitude by either A) Blaming everyone but myself, or B) Curling into the fetal position and feeling sorry for myself. Unfortunately, I've matured, and all I can say is, I'm sorry that this issue is running later than I predicted. It's all my fault, and as with all things, I'll try to learn from my mistakes and do better next time. I can say that I think that this issue of SDF is very fun, entertaining, and bizarre, and in my overtly biased opinion will be worth the wait.

The Cool Down

Yesterday morning, September 27th, I wore a flannel shirt to work for the first time this season. I chucked the shirt well before noon, but that's not the point, the point is that summer is finally drawing to a close. Which is too bad, cause I dig summer, and am never in a rush for fall to begin, because that means Winter is just around the corner. Anyway, because I'm bored this morning and have nothing better to write about, here's my Top Five Most Kickin' Things About the Otherwise Forgettable Season Known as Fall:

5) I get to wear long sleeves again. (For most people this is a bad thing, but I like wearing an extra layer of clothing. I find it comfortable)

4) The lawnmowing season draws to a close. That's one less responcibility for me to worry about.

3) The changing leaves are purty.

2) I get to write this lame ass list because I've got nothing better to do.

1) OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (More details on the bestest month of the year later)

Puzzle Pieces

For starters, I haven't been talking/hyping my own books much lately. There's a reason for that, and it's because I sent "SDF: Very Odd Jobs" off to the printers about 4 weeks ago, and it still hasn't come back. I've been waiting for the book to come in before I resume whoring myself out from this site. Unfortunately, there's been some sort of delay on the printer's end. In addition, that's further screwed up the webcomic, because I have plans on mailing 4 webcomics to Shafe, along with his Comp Copy of VOJ and the new characters to add to the main site. I'm hoping a quick phone call tonight will sort everything out.

I forgot to mention a few things about the paintball game. Fitch was our MVP, definately scoring the most kills overall. It's worth mentioning he also plays alot of Halo and favors the sniper rifle, so...

Made some really, really good steak tacos yesterday.

I have got to watch Corpse Bride sometime this weekend. Didn't get a chance on Saturday cause of the Boolah stuff, and didn't go Sunday because of laundry and recovering from Saturday.

American Dad was surprisingly good last night.

Homage vs. Rip Off

Over the years, Marvel comics has always been Sue Happy. I can think of two examples right off of the top of my head. Back in the 90s, Marvel sued Jim Shooter's new company, Defiant, over the title of Defiant's launch book, "Plasm". Turns out, Marvel had a comic that no one ever read ever called "Plasma". Ooooh, that's a good reason to sue somebody. A letter. Anyway, Marvel won, and Defiant had to change the name to "Warriors of Plasma", and Marvel promptly cancelled "Plasma". In another incident, that Rat Bastard Rob Liefeld got fired off Captain America for sucking. Liefeld said Screw You and bought the rights to Jack Kirby's preexisting character "Fighting American", changed the character so it was a blatant rip-off of Captain America, and got sued by Marvel. Several court ordered Costume Changes later, and Liefeld had another sucky book that was still a blatant rip-off of Captain America.

Meanwhile, back in the 70s, Marvel "came up with" a group of characters called "The Squadron Supreme". Now, the Squadron Supreme is DC's JLA. Period. Different costumes, different names, same guys. DC never bothered to sue Marvel over the deal. (Side Note: Marvel recently reinivented and redesigned the Squadron for a new book called Supreme Power which is quite good, but at the same time a blatant shot at DC's Entire Universe.)

So, today's question is, where does Homage end and Rip Off begin? When is one character inspired by another, but at the same time not anything like its predecessor? Rip offs happen all the time in the comic industry. Hell, at the end of the day, EVERY superhero is ultimately a rip off of Superman, Batman, or Spiderman. Where does the line exist?

Thankfully, most of my characters are pretty original. The only blatant exception is the Cosmic Fool. The Cosmic Fool is my homage to my favorite Marvel Character EVER, the Silver Surfer. There's really only a few cosmetic similarities at the end of the day, and I've never stolen an actual Surfer story (yet), but most people will call me on it at a glance. And the reason why I did it is obvious. I've always wanted to work on the Silver Surfer, but have never wanted or been good enough to work for Marvel. So, am I just another rip off artist, or is it cool to use something as a template if you move beyond your beginnings?

Burn Baby Burn!

I like Heat in my cuisine. I always have. I've eaten fresh Jalepenos straight up, sampled more types of Hot sauce than I can count, and I've even downed the occassional Habenero from time to time. I'm not a masochist by any means, and I know my limits, but I still like to go searching for the next really good burn. Hell, at a Sushi restaraunt in Chicago I scraped a ton of Wasabi on my Tempura Shrimp just to see what it would be like (Incidentally, that was a really dumb idea...).

So anyway, I recently got a new cookbook which contained a simple recipe for Pickled Jalapenos. As I've said before, straight up Jalepenos on their own are no big deal, so I was curious what Pickling em would do. Fastforward a few days later, and I'm eating Enchiladas. I decided that my food needed a little spicing up, so I grabbed a jalepeno outa the jar.

First bite. Not so bad. Second bite. Woo, that's starting to get some kick. Third bite. Holy crap! That's pretty hot. By now I'm balancing the burn out with sour cream and tortilla chips. Fourth bite. Jeezum crow, I should abort, cause I'm starting to get near the seeds, and if the skin is this hot, the seeds have gotta be a killer. (Have I mentioned I'm an idiot lately?) Fifth bite. WHOOSH! Eyaaaaaa!!!! Steam shoots out of my ears! I'm okay! Really! Oh God this Hurts! Realising it was either Kill the burn or pass out, I ran screaming into the kitchen, popped open the freezer, and pulled out a tub of ice cream. With no time to grab a spoon, I did the least hygenic thing I could think of, and just started licking the ice cream directly out of the bucket. When the burn had calmed down just enough, I grabbed an actual spoon and proceeded to eat about a quarter of the box of ice cream before my mouth cooled.

Irionically, still not the worst burn I've ever had.

TV is Movies

So, there's this whole running thing on how theatre ticket sales are down, and I can (and probably will) do an entire Rant solely on that topic, but I'd like to focus on one aspect of the theatre problem this morning. After watching umpteen hours of "Lost" over the weekend, it's pretty obvious that one of the movie theatres worst problems nowadays is that TV is getting closer to Movie level in terms of quality all the time.

Y'see, back in the Olden Days of my Youth, when dinosaurs roamed and whatnot, the only time TV even attempted to compete with Movies was when there was a mini-series. And frankly, even the best mini-series (the adaptation of the Stand and Wild Palms both come to mind) were pretty amatuerish compared to the real thing. Movies gave you a bigger, bolder experience back then.

Nowadays, not so much so. TV has the technology to directly compete with Movie level production values. In addition, TV censorship has started to lessen to the point where TV content is far less restrictive. Hell, on HBO they don't even have too much censorship to worry about period. TV is becoming more intelligent and well written all the time. In the meantime, movies seem to be getting dumber, cheaper, weaker, and lamer. Hell, there have been multiply movies this year alone that were based on old TV series.

Now, obviously, this is all a bit of a blanket statement. Afterall, there's still tons and tons of crap on TV. Lord knows, Reality Shows haven't gone the way of the Dodo yet. Still, I watched one episode of "House" on my crappy TV screen the other day and was more entertained than I was by at least five of the movies I've watched this year.

In conclusion, if the film industry really wants to get us up off of our dead asses and stop watching TV and get our dead asses back in theatre seats, they're gonna need to be able to do what they used to be able to, which is provide an experience worth getting off our dead asses for.

Recharged

I've been going at it pretty hard lately, and despite my best efforts, I was rapidly approaching burn out. Luckily, Boolah had just bought the entire First Season of "Lost" on DVD, and wanted to marathon it. I decided I could use a couple of days worth of vegetation, so I said "Cool". So, me, Boolah, and Fitch watched Lost and ate junk food all weekend. It's a pretty good show. It's no Twin Peaks, but I can't say I was bored at any point. Anyway, I'm feeling pretty relaxed, enough to get back to business.

Random Notes on a Thursday

Comic shop's been closed for the last two weeks cause the owners were in Florida. Apparently, the guy they got to cover for them couldn't due to personal reasons. Long story short, I finally got comics again! Woo! I was about to go into withdrawl.

The nasty weather that we've been virtually guaranteed hasn't shown up yet.

Bro heads up to Chicago this weekend to attend a friend of his's wedding. Man, why's everyone wasting time getting hitched lately?

Speaking of Chicago, apparently there's a Ring of Honor Wrestling show in Chi-town sometime soon, and we're all heading up to see it. I kinda balked at the idea of a five and a half hour trip north to watch wrestling, but ROH is a pretty kick ass show.

I'm definately adding the new "Hitchhiker's Guide" and "Blues Brothers" Annivery DVDs to my ever growing list of DVDs I'll buy the second I have money.

Somnabofusion

So, I'm sleeping last night, right? When all of a sudden I hear this loud Click. I think to myself, "Huh, musta caught another mouse. I better check my traps." So, I get up and walk into my Dining Room, and flip on the light. Except the light won't come on. That's when I remember that one of the signs that you're dreaming is that you can't turn light switches on or off. Surely enough, I wake up, hop out of bed, and walk into the dining room. I flip the light switch. Still nothing. Damnit! I know I'm awake this time. So I grab one of the twelve flashlights sittting on my dining room table, and make my way into the kitchen. Surely enough, the wiring in the kitchen has been ripped completely out of the walls. "Damn mice are getting vicious" I think, and walk into the mudroom to check the fuse box. Everything looks okay, but I reach into the fuse box anyway and get a mild shock. "Oh yeah, electricity hurts," I think.

Then I see someone walking around outside. I head outside, and it's this lady detective with a badge and everything. Her SUV is parked right behind my car. "What have I done now?" I say. She informs me of some case that they're trying to put together and whether I know anything about it. I've never heard of the woman she's talking about, so she takes off.

Then I watched a Semi slowly run over an old man, a guy, and a little kid.

Then my alarm went off.

Side Note: The Clicking sound really was a Mouse caught in one of my traps. That's one of my major problems, I'm easily conned, so it's impossible for me to lucid dream cause I always forget I'm lucid dreaming.

Uphill

Starting your own Comic Book Self Publishing Company: Very Hard. Starting your own Comic Book Self Publishing Company when you're already a ridiculously unlucky sonuvagun: Really Quite Very Hard. The latest little trial I've encountered involves the webcomic. I've got the latest installment done, but due to some strange glitch in the computer I use, I can't get it e-mailed to Shafe, my webmaster. I've got a plan, though. I'm gonna work up about 4 to 5 installments of the webcomic and Snail Mail 'em to Shafe, so he can scan them and put 'em up at his leisure. This will, unfortunately, delay the webcomic once again, which sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it. Sorry.

That's Gotta Hoirt

Haven't Ranted about Wrestling in awhile. Course, ain't been much to Rant about. Lord knows, the WWE sucks sour frog ass, despite the presence of some of the finest talent of all time on their roster (Chris Benoit, Christian, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerro, Kurt Angle, and Matt Hardy all immediately spring to mind. I would include a number of other names, but they've all been fired or quit, so there you go.). The only true alternative for us wrestling fans that actually wanna see some wrestling (and not a freaking Vanilla Ice wannabe with a stupid ass spinning belt) is, of course, the TNA organization.

The TNA Unbreakable PPV was this last Sunday. Same complaints as always: Lame announcers, bad camera work, and Monte Brown sucks hardcore. But everything else was nuts! It's so weird to watch a PPV where I'm excited about virtually every match. Highlights included Chris "Hail" Sabin vs. Petey "Canadian Destroyer" Williams, the Canadians putting on another wrestling clinic in both singles and tag action, Sabu vs. Abyss (brutal!), and Raven vs. Rhyno (almost as brutal!). Then of course, there was the X Division Championship, which featured Christopher "The Fallen Angel/the MAN" Daniels vs. Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles. HOLY FREAKING CRAP! Ah, screw being PC, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, that match was insane! You wanna see why I love wrestling so much? Watch this match! Words cannot describe how cool this match was.

Anyway, I was watching the PPV, and a thought occurs to me. In the WWE nowadays, a lot of the wrestlers use "Striking Moves" as Finishers (Glossary: A Finisher is a move a wrestler uses to end a match. For example, the classic DDT was the finisher for the legendary Jake "the Snake" Roberts, as well as guys like Raven and Tommy Dreamer. A Striking Move is a physical hit. A punch, elbow, kick, ect would be a striking move. If I kick a guy in the face and then pin him for a three count, then I have finished him with a striking move). I know this is because most of the WWE wrestlers are talentless hacks with no real ability. But I'm watching TNA, and I noticed that even the most basic striking moves in TNA hit harder than the hardest Striking Finish in the WWE. Just an observation.

Revenge of the Attack of Quick Reviews

I decided to poke my head out of my house for a bit to type up some movie reviews. Here's the rundown.

"Crash"- Robert Altman invented the "Rambling ensemble movie" back in the 70s with "Nashville". I've never seen Nashville, but I like the genre, and own other, similiar films such as Altman's own "Short Cuts" and "Gosford Park", as well as PT Anderson's "Magnolia". "Crash" (not the 90s Cronenberg film, but the new one with the same title but a totally different plot) is along this same vein. A large cast of excellent actors crash into one another, not just in a vehicular sense, but in a physical, psychic, and emotional one as well. I'd ramble on and on about how good this movie is and how it actually does live up to the hype, but this column ain't called Quick Reviews for nothin'. Check it out.

"Million Dollar Baby"- Did this one win Best Picture? Can't remember. Anyway, you know the drill, Grizzled boxing manager reluctantly trains a young woman to be a fighter. The cast is excellent, twist ending (read: ultra depressing ending), blahblahblah. Once again, the film more or less lives up to the hype, once again Morgan Freeman (who plays Clint's right hand man again) is God, and, once again, the ending is a hellabummer. Still, recommended.

"Hellraiser: Hellworld"- That's what I love about being me, I can watch two Critically Acclaimed films one day, and a direct to video slashfest the next, and be cool with that. Anyway, anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for the Hellraiser franchise. I LOVE Parts 1-3, and I dig "Bloodline" for the most part. Unfortunately, since the series has went straight to video, things have been pretty sucky. "Inferno" and "Hellseeker" were just "Sixth Sense" rip-offs that just happened to feature some cameos by my amigos the Cenobites (although those brief cameos do almost redeem the movies). I haven't even seen "Deader" yet. Now along comes "Hellworld" which is about a group of friends who are into an online game that is a dead ringer for the Hellraiser series. When the friends get invited to a Hellworld party...well, all Hell breaks loose. There's blood, and boobs, and blood, and some sex, and more blood, and the Cenobites make all too quick cameos, then there's a twist ending that almost ruins the entire film, which is followed by another twist ending that completely redeems the film. Oh, and B-Movie God Lance Henrickson is in it too. Only for true Hellraiser DieHards. Hellraiser Purists should avoid like Plague.

Suckintenial

So, normally, this time of year is the annual Clay City Fall Festival. That's three days of lame-ass, po-dunk entertainment that allows the local churchfolk and the local methheads to congregate in a social setting. But not this year, oh no! This year is the Great Clay City Sesquentiniel! That means it's three days Jamfreakingpacked with ultra lame ass, po-dunk, suckbags entertainment! Woo!

Man, normally I avoid the Fall Festival like the Plague. I'm definately avoiding the Sesquintenial (what the hell is a sesquentiniel anyway?) like it's the Black Plague. Thankfully, I've already bought up my survival supplies for the week, so I'm good.

Beaten Down

I knew I shouldn't have even got out of bed on Wednesday. From the start I knew I had a cold. There was a foul taste in my mouth, a thick coating of mucus blocking off my throat, my skin was ultra-sensitive, my eyes were warm, my joints and muscles ached, and I had the beginnings of a headache. Went to work anyway, cause that's what I do, and the situation only worsened itself, with my headache becoming a whopper by the end of the work day. Went home and recieved a registered letter from the village of Clay City stating that my yard doesn't meet some arbitrary community standard, and if I don't get it mowed and weed eaten, then they'll do it for my and charge me out the nose. So, the entire drive to Olney I bellowing obscenities through a thick headache. Not surprisingly, when I arrived at the comic shop, it was closed for the second week in a row. Shoulda stayed in bed.

Attack of Quick Reviews

It's been awhile since I've reviewed a bunch of films, and since I rented a ton this weekend, then I'd say it's time for Quick Reviews...

Layer Cake- Typical British mob film, which means lots and lots of plot twists, problems continually pile up, and lots of characters getting shot. As usual, it's highly recommended to turn the volume way up so you can hear the dialouge through the accident. Great flick, but the ending may leave some people cold.

Ong Bak- This flick should suck, 'cause the acting, directing, and soundtrack are all horrible. This flick doesn't suck 'cause the fight and action scenes completely freakin' rule! Highly recommended if you're into that sorta thing.

The Dreamers- Classy, vaguely controversial flick about a young man in 60s Paris, who falls in love with an incestuous brother and sister. The film's got a slow, meandering pace that is typical of this type of film. Not bad, not great. Squeamish warning: Lots of full nudity, both male and female.

Steam Boy- The latest anime from the creator of Akira (I keep thinking his name's Katsuhiro Otomo, but I can't remember...), about a boy in turn of the century England who has to keep his Grandfather's invention, the Steam Ball out of the hands of the Government and a Greedy corporation. Breathtaking animation is the high point, a slow as hell plot and several annoying/useless characters is the low point. Solid, but it sure as hell ain't no Akira.

A Very Long Engagement- The latest from that French guy that did Amelie, City of Lost Children, Delicatessan, and the highly underrated Alien: Resurrection, "Engagement" is the tale of a woman who loses her fianancee in WWI, but continues to search for him until she is positive he is dead. Ultra detailed, slightly bizarre, and beautifully filmed, the film's not as good as most of this guy's previous work, but still comes highly recommended.

Alexander (Director's Cut)- Jeezum Crow what a mess this crap is. A dry, slow, lame account of one of history's greatest conquerors. Alexander's character is woefully underdeveloped (Why is he a great general? How did he become a great general?), the whole thing with the Knot isn't even in there, and by the end of the film you're just wishing he'd hurry up and die of pneumonia so we can all get on with our lives. On the upside, the two battle scenes are pretty cool, and Rosario Dawson is Super Hot Tamales.

On a More Serious Note

I don't mess much with Politics and World Events on this Blog. It's not really my concern. The main point of this blog is to promote my own work and the works of others and to give myself an outlet for a lot of the crap that floats around in my brain. Occassionally though, I do decide to throw in a little jab towards the President or I mention how much the Iraqui War sucks.

A few blogs ago, I threw out the statement that everything Prez Dubya has ever said ever was Bogus. Having watched George W. all over the news for the last few days talking about how he's going to fix the South, for once I really hope I'm wrong. For once I hope that the President of the United States can actually back up what he says. Cause if there was ever a time for our glorified figurehead to be worth a damn, it's now.

Don't worry. Next blog entry guaranteed to be far less serious.

Chill Time

Ha-Ha! The world may be going to Hell in a Handbasket, and my luck may be shot to Hell as well, but who cares, cause it's a Three Day Weekend, Baby! Woo! Normally, on this sort of occasion I'd be driving somewhere and having myself a big old time, but with gas at over $3 a pop, and the fact that I was just in Evansville last Saturday, I really have no desire to travel. Instead, I'm renting a fat stack of movies and hosting a meal on Saturday. Like the title of the blog says, it's officially Chill Time.

Bogus

To be Bogus is to be false. Some things are unintentionally false (pop music), others are quite intentional (just about everything the government says or does). So, because I haven't done a Top 10 List in awhile, here's my...

TOP 10 MOST BOGUS THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD

10. Don't worry. The impact of your fall will break the snow skis and put out the fire.

9. The next issue of Spiderman/Black Cat will be available soon.

8. Battle Chasers will be published on a Bi-monthly schedule.

7. This won't hurt.

6. I am going to do that Day of Stupidity. Really!

5. SDF: Very Odd Jobs will be available in August.

4. And the Academy Award for Best Picture goes to... Forrest Gump!

3. And the Academy Award for Best Actor goes to... Tom Hanks!

2. Trust the President.

1. Anything George W. Bush has ever said, ever.