Moviecide- 07/29/05

This is Moviecide, a continual look at how pathetic most of our theatre viewing choices truly are, sprinkled with the occassional ray of cinematic hope. As usual, we're using Evansville, IN as our cross section. Let's roll.

Still in theatres: Bad News Bears (Maybe), Batman Begins (Saw it, cool), Charlie and... (Maybe on DVD, if I'm bored), Devil's Rejects (Saw it, harsh), Fantastic Four (Saw it, meh), Hustle & Flow (Boo!), Island (Boo!), Madagascar (Boo!), March of the Penguins (Wanna see), Mr & Mrs Smith (Boo!), War of the Worlds (Saw it, meh), Wedding Crashers (Maybe on DVD, if I'm really bored).

New This Week:

-Must Love Dogs: Man, I respect John Cusack, but, COME ON!? What the hell, man? Another lame ass chick flick? You're better than this Mr. Cusack. Make another film like High Fidelity, Grosse Point Blank, or The Cradle Will Rock. Leave the lame ass chick flicks to lesser actors like Ashton Cutcher.

-Rize: I've heard good things about this docu about street dancers. Still, I don't really care about dancing or inner city life that much, so I'll probably catch this on DVD.

-Sky High: I'm still not sure whether I wanna watch or despise this movie. Definately not catching it in theatres. Kurt Russel is still cool though (Big Trouble in Little Chinatown, Baby!).

-Stealth: My impression of Stealth in Five Words: Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

Sweet Relief

It's Raining! Woo-Freaking-Hoo! I have officially never been this excited to see the rain before in my life. But in this case, the rain symbolizes the end of the 100 Degree streak we've been on for the last two weeks or more. Plus, as an added bonus, outside of a few thunderbolts last night, it's not been the huge Monsoon I figured we'd get. Ching! Bring on that lovely 80 Degrees.

Progress proceeds apace on the Promo Mini. It's only six pages long, but when you figure that there's actually two pages per page, then I've actually gotta do twelve pages. Regardless, I'm half done, which means I should be able to wrap it up by my Friday deadline. After that, all I gotta do is design some vaguely eye catching flyers, and I'm good to go. Easy.

Interesting news item I heard on the radio this morning. Apparently, a couple of ladies got themselves good and drunk and attempted to drive home. Unfortunately (or, perhaps fortunately), their car ran out of gas. Too drunk to take it as a sign, one decided to get out and push, while the other sat in the car and steered. Long story short, they pushed the car right into a parked car. Their Blood Alcohol Content was twice the legal limit. I wonder if this is the first case of PUI (Pushing Under the Influence) in history?

Mumble Jumble

I'm making slow but sure progress on the promo comic for Chicago. Considering I've only got this week to get it done, I should probably try for fast but sure. I also have to remember to work up some flyers. As I've said before, flyers aren't really that effective, but you never know when one might draw somebody to your table or website. When you're a Nobody on the Scene, you gotta use every method at your disposal.

The heatwave may finally break, IF it rains today. All the weathermen say it's gonna rain, and there was no dew out this morning. But this is Illinois, and just cause all signs point to rain and cooler temps doesn't mean it's gonna happen.

Has anyone seen the previews for that movie "Stealth"? That movie doesn't look even remotely stealthy. In fact, it looks loud and obnoxious. I think the TV viewers of America should launch a class action lawsuit against the makers of Stealth on the grounds of false advertising. Cause Lord knows we can't sue em for making a crappy, stupid film.

Most pointless piece of Junk Mail I've recieved in awhile: A Beer survey. (Editor's Note: To fully appreciate this joke, you have to take into account that the author has never consumed beer in his entire life.)

Y'know what annoys me about this whole GM Employee Discount for Everyone Campaign? It's that GM has a long standing history of closing factories, laying off employees, and generally contributing to the increase in the unemployed populace. Hell, for all intents and purposes, they're just giving their ex-employees the discount they used to have when they had a steady job.

Meltdown

This is hands down the hottest summer in Illinois in quite some time. I've been living in my house for three years now (egads! Three years already...), without air conditioning, and it was tolerable up until now. This year on the other hand, every time I get home after work, it's like stepping into a sauna. The situation escalates whenever I try to work in my studio, because that room doesn't have a ceiling fan, and I'm working right beside a surprisingly warm reading light.

Now, I know what you're saying, why don't you just buy an air conditioner Mr. Crazy Comic Person? I might before the summer's over, but for now it's a luxury I can't afford (especially with Real Estate Taxes due soon and Chicago right around the corner). So, without further ado, here's my semi-heat stroke induced plan to work on the remainder of my promo materials for Chicago without dieing of heat stroke:

1) Less is more. As in clothes. I'm a modest guy, but when it gets hot enough, it's time to streamline. If you decide to randomly show up at my house, and you knock first, don't be surprised if I take awhile to answer the door. I'll be putting on pants.

2) I have one fan. Never leave its general proximity. On occasion, stand directly in front of it.

3) Drink tons of water and keep plenty of ice frozen. Duh.

4) And finally, my master stoke, I'm gonna move my studio into the living room for now. That way I'll be under a ceiling fan and the light from my reading lamp won't kill me as bad. Now all I gotta do is figure out how to get my desk through the doorway...

Confused Quick Review: The Devil's Rejects

Brutal. That is hands down the best word to describe the latest offering from Rob Zombie. And when I say brutal, I mean it in pretty much every given connotation at the same time. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The plot's fairly simple: The Family of Killers from "House of a 1000 Corpses" get ambushed by a legion of cops. A violent shootout occurs, and the surviving family members have to run for it. This leads to a cross country killing spree, as the family is chased by more cops, a deranged sheriff, and a pair of scumbag bounty hunters (played by that ugly Mexican from alla Robert Rodrigueze's films and Diamond Dallas Paige). Needless to say, blood is shed.

So, is it worth watching? Depends. If you like late 60s/early 70s exploitation horror films, then yes. If you want to sit back and relax in a theatre, then no. Like I said, the film is brutal, both positively and negatively. The movie hits hard and takes no prisoners (or at least none that live very long). The writing/directing/acting/editing at times smacks of genius, and at other times is absolutely abysmal. There are cool moments, there are painfully lame moments, and there are moments where your skin wants to crawl right off your bones and run screaming for the exits. Truth is, I'm still not entirely sure if I liked it or not. And that's all I got to say on the subject today.

Tomorrow I'll probably just complain about how hot it is.

Moviecide- 07/22/05

This is Moviecide, a continual examination of what's playing in theatres and whether a lick of it's worth watching. As usual, we'll be using Evansville, IN as our cross section. In addition, I missed last week, so we got more to rant about this week. Let's roll.

Still in theatres: Batman Begins (Saw it, good), Bewitched (Boo!), Dark Water (Boo!), Fantastic Four (Saw it, meh), Herbie (Boo!), Madagascar (Boo!), Mr and Mrs Smith (Boo!), Star Wars 3 (Saw it, Cool), War of the Worlds (Saw it, meh)

Side Note: Notice that Howl's Moving Castle, easily better than most of this list, is already out of theatres. Now you know why I was so desperate to watch it a few weeks back...

New This Week (or new last week):

Bad News Bears: I have a Love/Hate relationship with both Billy Bob Thornton and director Linkletter. At first glance I admit I wanted nothing to do with this remake, but I gotta admit, the previews are pretty damn funny looking. I'm not watching it this week, but I'll probably catch it on DVD.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: At first I really, really wanted to watch this one. After all, Johny Depp and Tim Burton are both aces in my book. Then I watched the dull, rancid, technicolor overload previews. Now I don't wanna watch it no more. Maybe on DVD if I'm really bored one day.

Devil's Rejects: Is there any question? Watching it tonight with the gang.

Hustle and Flow: I don't know who these people are who think that Pimps are these wonderful, hard working people who are the inspiration heroes of film, but here's my little wake up call: Pimps are the scum of the earth. While the rest of us are working straight jobs these assholes sell women and drugs for fat wads of cash. If you think I'm paying my $8 to see a scumbag go from the back alley to the penthouse while following his dream of becoming a rapper (side note: Don't even get me started on rap), you're dead wrong. Fuck this movie.

The Island: Since I'm being vulgar today... Fuck this movie and Michael Bay too. Talentless hack.

March of the Penguins: Yes, I really wanna watch this movie. No, I am not gay.

Wedding Crashers: I'll probably watch this one on DVD. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are cool in my book, but frankly this looks like just another paint-by-numbers comedy crapfest. Snore.

Kicking Myself

If I was a superhero, I'd be "Captain Procrastination". Seriously, I've been home for three days now, and I've been too busy running all over the countryside to work on promo materials for Chicago at all. Thankfully, it's Thursday, which is usually my dead day. I can get some work done, play some catch up. Look on the bright side, anyone who buys a promo comic off me at Chitown will know it was made fresh. I'm pretty sure comics are like bread, the fresher the better, right?

Quick n' Cheezy Reviews

I swear, that's my last Cheese reference. Really.

Fantastic Four-- The new Fantastic Four movie manages to carefully tightrope walk the line between kickin' and sucking that it's kind of hard to give it any sort of thumbs up/down type review. There's lots of good stuff here. The characterizations are for the most part, dead on. There's lots of clever FX. The action sequences are good. There's plenty of funny stuff. And although a LOT of stuff has been changed for the purposes of the movie, for the most part, most of it works for the movie. Where the movie stumbles is A) in the pointless scenes of Johny Storm doing "extreme" stuff, and B) Dr. Doom. Doom's character is completely wrong in all aspects, and to reduce the greatest comic book villian of all time to something of a weasely corporate psycho is just wrong. All in all, Fantastic Four is definately worth a watch, but you could probably save it for DVD.

And So, We're Back

I'm back in the Land of Lincoln! Woo-hoo! I had a hell of a time on my little jaunt out of town, but it's good to be home (even if I do gotta got back to work today). Here's a rundown on the weekend (or at least the parts I'm willing to put online...).

Wednesday: Drove up to Appleton, WS. Whew. Long drive. Stopped a couple of times. Ate lunch at a Popeyes (good chicken, Little Nicky wasn't lying), and gassed up not long after crossing the border, where we first encountered the Wisconsin accent. "Dol-lah and a Quah-tah, there." Not that we have much room to talk, what with our Southern drawl becoming more apparent the farther north we went. Also scored some Cheese Curds at the gas station, which were good, but we left them in the car overnight, and strange things happpened. Got to our hotel, made some phone calls, ordered a lousy pizza, picked up our swanky tuxes, and finally met up with the groom-to-be, our buddy Shafe. Hung out with him for a while at his soon to be Mother-in-Laws, played a game of poker (I lost to Bro in heads up), and rolled back to the hotel to crash out.

Thursday: Got up bright and early, and met Shafe's buddy (and soon to be our buddy) Nick at our hotel, picked up Shafe, and set out for the Wisconsin Dells. For those of you uninitiated, the Wisconsin Dells is this massive tourist trap full of tons upon tons of leisure stuff. Our goal was the Mount Olympus theme park, which had, like, 9 Go-Kart tracks, a bunch of roller coasters, and its own Water Park. We rode most of the Go-Karts (Medusa's Drop alone was worth the price of admission) and hit the Water Park (which saw me take my shirt off in public for the first time in five or so years). And that was that for Thursday. Or at least all I'm gonna admit to online.

Friday: Switched hotels (from the penthouse to the flophouse, really) and went to a local park. Hung out with Shafe and his family, ate lunch, ect. Traveled to the Wedding Rehearsal, did that whole thing, returned to the Park. Played some Frisbee (have I ever mentioned I'm the most uncoordinated person who ever lived?), and ate. Hung out for a while, and Shafe gave us our Groomsman gifts. I scored a matching Katana, Wakizaki, and Tanto set. Big, Big thanks Shafeman. I could always use more sharp objects around the house. After the BBQ died down, Bro, Nick, Boolah, and myself went to a Hobby Shop in Appleton, then watched Fantastic Four (which I'll review tomorrow).

Saturday: Went to the Wedding, dressed in my swanky tux. Sweated a lot. It was an interesting/purty ceremony. We were outside in this garden. Very loverly. I got through the ceremony without A) passing out or B) ruining anything. After easily the most unique wedding I've ever been to, we took some pictures and made for the Reception. Food was ate, speeches were given, and big fat wads of dancing were done. This was also the first time I've danced in public in years as well. Lots of rarities on this trip. Danced like a maniac till midnight, returned to the hotel, crashed.

Sunday: Said our goodbyes and went home. And that's the quick, abbreviated version of our trip.

All of us at TORC Press would like to congratulate Brian Shaffer and Wendy Werdin on the success of their nuptuals, and we hope they have a happy and everlasting union.

Cheezeheds

Welp, barring any unforseen circumstances, this will be my last post until Monday of next week. That's right, me, Bro, and Boolah are off to the Glorious Cheese State of Wisconsin to attend my buddy Shafe's wedding. If all goes well, expect tales of Valor and Stupidity. If all does not go well, expect tales of Valor and Stupidity.

After I get back, my sole focus is Chicago.

Later.

Howl's Moving Castle

Howl's Moving Castle is the latest masterwork from Japanese animation master Hayo Myazaki (spell?). The plot is anything but simple, as we follow the adventures of Sophie, an ordinary girl who runs a hat shop, who gets swept into the life of a nuerotic sorceror named Howl, after she gets turned into an elderly lady by the curse of a jealous Witch. Along the path of Sophie's bizarre trip, we meet a variety of bizarre characters including a strange little dog, a mouthy fire demon, and an unfortunate scarecrow nicknamed "TurnipHead". Plus, let's not forget that Howl moves around in a massive "Castle" with chicken legs that has doorways that enter all over the world, and that Howl himself can turn into a strange bird monster. Oh, and there's a massive war going on between two countries. Like I said, complex.

Which of course, is half of the unrelenting joy that is this film. The other half is just the skill with which Miyazaki unleashes the film upon us. The beautiful, flawless animation, the mind blowingly serrene scenery, the complex machinery designs, the variety of character designs (which range from whimsical to nightmarish), all of this is only enhanced by the deft, surehanded characterizations that are a hallmark of any Miyazaki film. The character of Turniphead, who has no speaking lines, is better developed than virtually any character Vin Diesel has ever played (except for Riddick in the original Pitch Black, but that's a rant for another time...).

As far as themes go, we get Miyazaki's all-time favorite themes of A) a coming of age story (present in almost every one of his films (except of course for his Lupin the 3rd movies, cause, y'know Lupin's already come of age and he's horny to boot...)), and B) a character with no magical abilities in a world of magic who only prevails through the strength of her (or in a few of his films, his) heart and determination. In addition, there's a strong anti-war theme present in this film. Whether this is a reaction to the current state of world affairs, or simply a theme Miyazaki just hasn't gotten around to previously is unknown (Note: There is a little bit of an anti-war message in "Princess Monanoki", but even then the fighting is somewhat justified. In this film, war is viewed as being an act of stupidity, further punctuated by the fact that certain wizards turn themselves into monsters in order to serve their country better, and the king of one country is portrayed as a numbnuts buffoon.)

Long story short, "Howl's Moving Castle" is an absolute must watch. If you gotta drive a few hours to watch it somewhere (I had to go to Indiana for goodness sakes!) then do it, it's worth it. Infinately.

Moviecide- 07/080/05

Welcome to Moviecide, a continueing dissection of the crappy selection presented to American moviegoers and why this is the reason for the continual downward spiral of film sales. As usual, we are using Evansville, IN for the most theatres within a sane driving range.

Returning from last week: Adventures Shark (Kiddie, no), Batman Begins (Saw it, Cool), Bewitched (Boo!), Cinderella Man (Boo!), Land of the Dead (Saw it, Cool), Herbie (Boo!), Longest Yard (Boo!), Madagascar (Boo!), Mr and Mrs Smith (Boo!), Perfect Man (Boo! Also, winner of the "Why is this still consuming valuable theatre space?" Award), Rebound (Boo!), Star Wars 3 (Saw it twice, cool), War of the Worlds (Saw it, meh).

New This Week:

Dark Water: Oh boy, another Japanese creep film. Yawn. I like my horror with more blood and guts and whatnot. The chick is hot, but I just can't bring myself to get freaked out over a film where the big menace is H2O. Maybe on DVD.

Fantastic Four: Welp, I was kinda wanting to watch this one (Jessica Alba, pant!pant! (Have I mentioned I'm a pig lately?)), but this is the absolute worst week in the world for me to go film hopping. I might catch this one in another week or so. Maybe. As far as my prediction goes, I'm saying it won't flat out suck, but it won't be a truly kick ass 4 film either.

Howl's Moving Castle: Howl's Moving Castle is out?!?! This week!? I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO SEE THIS FILM BY ANY MEANS NECCESSARY! Now, how do I drive across state lines, watch the movie, and return home while spending virtually no money. Conundrum.

Do Over Day

We're just gonna pretend yesterday didn't happen. In fact, if I try hard enough, I can almost block out the hellish experience that was yesterday. Here's what I was gonna yammer about yesterday, today.

Here's my priority list for the rest of the month. I putting online mostly so I can look it up and remember more than anything. I have something of a bad short term memory.

July 7-10: Finish designs for new T-shirts and place an order for T-shirts and Stickers with Doris Bros.

July 11-17: Get ready and go to Shafe's wedding. Desperately try not to ruin the proceedings.

July 18-30: Finish promotional mini-comic for Chicago, get it printed at Kinkos. Try to get other promo materials acquired/made/ordered.

August 1-7: Get ready and got to Wizard World Chicago. Rock it hard style.

Systems Check

Okay, I've had my big weekend. It time to focus. Unfortnately, brain no work so gogo this morning. Had one of theme dremaes that left confused. eyegaballs no wanna work proper. No type good.

Well try again tomrorrow.

Hamtragic

So, I'm at the PreSPACE party at the Laughing Ogre in Columbus, OH, and I meet a fellow by the name of Aaron. Nice guy, very personable. We talk about comics a bit, and he happens to mention that he's in the process of making his own movie. I'm sure I responded with something pithy, like, "Oh really?". He went on to explain that he and a bunch of his friends from Detroit were making their own low budget film.

Fast forward a few months, and I get a letter from Aaron containing a batch of his always intriguing mini-comics (including a jam comic that I made a rather poor contribution to...). The letter stated that his movie was done and ready for mass consumption. If I wanted a copy, I could score it for $15 or trade. Trade, eh? Free movie, eh? I'm from Southern Illinois. We don't pass up free. Plus, like I said, I was intrigued. So I sent off a copy of one of my books, and about a week or so later, I recieved "Hamtragic" in the mail.

Before we begin, let me just start by saying I have the utmost respect for anyone that can create and distribute art on their own. I know from experience how rough self-publishing comics can be, and making your own film has to be much more difficult. I still have plans to do my own animated short someday, but those plans have been put off indefinately due to the amount of time I spend working on the comic.

"Hamtragic" breaks down like this. An ancient tribe from South America sends a cursed plant in a cursed vase to America. The plant can be turned into a strange drug. Only one shipment of the drug arrives in America, landing in Hamtrack, MI. Whenever a Community College Math Professor is accidentally exposed to the drug, he transforms into a murderous, yet surprisingly lazy psychopath who must acquire more of the drug at all costs. Chaos ensues.

The film marches to the beat of it's own drummer. It's strangely hypnotic, and there are lots of interesting choices made throughout the filmmaking. For example, the Drug has a voice of its own, which is represented by a number of intricate pen and ink drawings of classic Movie Monsters. Very cool. Also, a couple of what I assume are local Detroit bands pop up at key moments and perform. Various things like that occur throughout the movie, giving the film a definately chaotic, unpredictable vein. The film is obviously low budget, and, presumably, no one in the film has had any training as an actor. Still, there is a definative enthusiasm displayed throughout.

If you're interested in checking out "Hamtragic", their website is located at www.nofunfilms.com.

Big Freaking Weekend

Got off work on Friday, rounded up the troops, headed to Mt. Vernon to watch "War of the Worlds". Ate at Applebees beforehand, good times were had, Boolah's girl Sarah got a little tipsy, which was very funny. Spent more than I shoulda on food. Went to Wallyworld, scored the new Shonen Jump (One Piece still continues to rule), went to the movie. "War of the Worlds" wasn't bad, but it wasn't really all that great either. The film is fairly suspenceful, and the alien machines are pretty kick ass, but there are a ton of plot holes, and Dakota Fanning screams WAY too much. Saw a preview for Peter Jackson's "King Kong" as well, and it looked pretty kick ass.

Saturday, me and the big, scary, hairy guys rolled to the ass end of Illinois. We crossed the bridge into Kentucky, scored fireworks, and I picked up a copy of the "Orgazmo" Special Edition DVD. Returned to Illinois, went to Brookport, watched a Chaos Pro Wrestling show. It was a Free Show in the Brookport Park, in the middle of a baseball diamond. The show was a bit disorganized, but despite that, the CPW crew still put on a hell of show. Like I've said, CPW is hands down the best wrestling federation I've encountered in the Southern Illinois area. After the show, we went to Metropolis to the Casino boat. Paid way too much for a lackluster buffet, and then did some gambling. I played nickel slots and actually made some money. Ha-ha!

Sunday, rolled up to Fitch's house for the 2nd Annual "Fitch of July". We grilled out, stuffed ourselves, and lit fireworks. The only downside to the weekend was that the fireworks we bought in Kentucky sucked ass. They were all just a bunch of glorified sparklers. We made for this problem by doing stupid stuff like jumping over fireworks as they were throwing sparks, and holding fireworks that are designed to be placed on the ground. See, fun is where you find it. Wrapped up the night by playing Poker, and I actually won the first game.

Today is July 4th, so it'll be steaks and more explosions. Rock!!!!

Moviecide- 07/01/05

Welcome to Moviecide, a continueing disection of the downfall of the American Movie Theatre. The following is the complete list of movies available for viewing in Evansville, IN (I use E-ville cause it's got, like, two 16 screen theatres), and my impressions of the films being shown. This is not a review site, but merely an investigation into the limited amount of choice we have in viewing material nowadays. Enjoy.

Returning from Last Week: Adventures Shark... (Kiddie, No), Batman Begins (Saw it, Cool), Bewitched (Boo!), Cinderella Man (Boo!), Land of the Dead (Saw it, Cool), Herbie (Boo!), Longest Yard (Boo!), Madagascar (Boo!), Mr and Mrs Smith (Boo!), Perfect Man (Boo!), Star Wars 3 (Saw it, Cool).

New This Week:

Rebound- At first I couldn't even remember what this film was. Then I remembered that it was that Martin Lawerence as a High School Basketball coach comedy movie thing. Do I even need to waste time going into the suck factor of this sucky film? It's so bad, they released it the same week as War of the Worlds so it could die a quick and painless death.

War of the Worlds- Truth is, I don't really wanna watch this one, but a couple of my buddies do. So, in the interest of occassionally leaving my house, I'll be watching War of the Worlds tonight. Expect a review sometime this weekend.

Once again, only one film I'm watching, and only barely.