Random Notes on a Thursday

I've got a lot of work to do before Wizard World Chicago. There are things that need ordered, things that need drawn, things that need xeroxed. Needless to say it's gonna be a busy month.

It's a good week to get to the comic shop. Not only is the latest installment in the Seven Soldiers project out, Shining Knight #3 (muy excellente), but the latest issue of Planetary is Finally out. If you've been reading Planetary, then you know how freaking cool it is when a new issue comes out. If you haven't been reading Planetary, then I highly, highly recommend checking out one of the reprint trades. This series is topnotch.

Got a very busy weekend coming up. Got a lotta bar-b-qs to attend, lotta things to blow up, and hopefully I can lose a few bucks playing Nickel Slots at the casino in Metropolis. I've got a couple of new salsa recipes to test out, so for those of you attending the Fitch-B-Q on Sunday, be prepared...

We Have Confirmation

My table at Wizard World Chicago has been confirmed. According to the badges, I'm at Table 31A. I have no idea where that's at, whether it's a good location, or what. I just know that it's 31A. I'm not sure what days I'm gonna be there yet. According to the information I've recieved, there's a Preview Day on Thursday. What this means and how this will affect my plans is as yet unknown. I have to e-mail the folks at Wizard for more info...

Anyway, now that the table has been confirmed, I can start getting promotional materials ready without feeling like a chump. There's a lot of stuff that needs to be acquired within a fairly short period of time. A lot of work that needs to be done as well. But, hey, that's half the fun.

So, be prepared alla you out there in ComputerLand, cause on August (4th?) 5th-7th at the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center in Rosemont, IL, Joseph Morris and his crew of trained Howler Monkeys will be tearing it up hard style in the slums of Artists Alley. Rock!

When There is No More Room in Hell

"Land of the Dead" is the most recent flick by the originator of the kick ass zombie flick, George A. Romero. The plot is fairly simple, after the dead arose from the grave in the original "Night of the Living Dead" and proceeded to overrun the earth in "Dawn" and "Day of the Dead", mankind has learned to adapt. Now, all that live are holed up in a massive island city which is fortified enough and remote enough to repel the zombies. Groups of humans, using superior technology (most notably the bad ass armored vehicle "Dead Reckoning" ) and tactics, raid nearby small towns for food, medicine, and other supplies. Sure, people get bit occassionally, but for all intents and purposes, society has resumed, albiet on a much smaller scale. That is, until the zombies start to develop rudimentary thought processes...

In terms of the basics, acting is solid, the story flows well, and, without a doubt, the special FX by my boys in KNB are top notch. There are some problems. The movie feels short, and there just seems to be something missing. I dunno, I can't put my finger on it. Like, maybe the characters were a little underdeveloped or the climax was a bit of a let down. Or maybe, I've just been waiting so long for a Romero zombie movie that nothing short of sheer perfection would have satisfied me. Despite this, it's a hell of a good flick all in all, and definately reccomended for any fans of zombie flicks out there.

Enough with the basics. It's time for the fun stuff. First off: Gore! Tons of it, thick and red and chunky. Lots of clever gags involving zombies in various states of decay, as well as lots of clever gags involving zombie and human dispatchment. If there's something to get bitten, torn, or ripped off, it gets it in this flick (again, big up to the KNB guys). Second off: Horror makeup legend Tom Savini makes a cameo! Wooo!!! (For those of you who can't recognize the almighty Mr. Savini on sight, look for the zombie biker who splits a dude in half with a machette.) Third off: Romero has stated that his movies are often a statement on the time period they were made in (which is why "Day of the Dead" is such a bummer. It was made in the 80s afterall). In this flick, Romero tackles new millenium classism, rich American swagger, and the disparity between the rich and poor. Not to mention how meaningless all those things become in the face of a true crisis. Needless to say, if you're a conservative (and if you are, I'm a little surprised you're reading my blog...) avoid this film like the plague. By the by, Dennis Hopper (ching!) manages to combine sliminess, cleverness, and bullheaded bravado in equal measure as the rich asshole who rules over the human city.

In summation, "Land of the Dead" isn't the greatest zombie flick ever made (that would still be the original "Dawn of the Dead"), but it is an enjoyable film if you're a fan of the genre.

Moviecide- 06/24/05

This is Moviecide, a contueing dissection of the films which are in current release. This is designed as an examination into the drop in revenue of movie theatres due to lack of interesting product. Once again, I will be using the theatres in Evansville, IN to provide the best cross section within a two hour radius. This is not a review column, it is assumed I have NOT seen any of these movies unless stated otherwise. These are merely my predictions based on available evidence and word of mouth.

Returning from Last Week: Adventures Shark... (Kiddie, No), Batman Begins (Saw it, dug it), Cinderella Man (Boo!), Honeymooners (Boo!), Longest Yard (Boo!), Madagascar (Meh), Monster in Law (why is this shitty movie still consuming theatre space?), Mr. and Mrs Smith (Boo!), Perfect Man (Boo!), Sisterhood (Boo!), Star Wars 3 (saw it twice, dug it).

New this week:

Bewitched: Welp, Will Ferrel is funny, and Nicole Kidman is hot. Is Ferrel funny enough and Kidman hot enough to warrant watching this stupid, boring, regurgitated crapfest of a suckathon? The answer is a big ole NO.

Land of the Dead: I'm watching it tonight. Expect a full review by the end of the weekend.

Herbie Fully Loaded: If you're interested in a movie that's guaranteed to suck worse than Bewitched, watch this sucktacular piece of garbage. Lindsey Lohan's a skank.

Welp, seems like we're averaging one movie a week I wanna watch...

Heat Wave

"Hellboy: The Island #1 (of 2)" is currently available from creator Mike Mignolia and publisher Dark Horse. If you're a Hellboy fan like I am, then you are welcome to join me in the Dance of Joy. If you're not, then you may dance as well, but I'm sure it won't be as joyous.

The nationwide heat wave continues. Normally, I don't mind excessive temperatures, but here lately we can't seem to have a heat wave without the accompying excessive humidity. Burning up is one thing, feeling like your head is gonna explode is another.

I don't know what it's like anywhere else, but despite all of the TV Polls claiming people are gonna start driving less due to ridiculous gas prices, the traffic has been retarded around here. Course, I was also saying Global Warming was crap during April when it was in the 50s, and now I'm not so sure...

Quick Progress Report

Just a few notes on odd and ends before I go to breakfast.

The Main Site (www.torcpress.com) has been updated. We've got full color images and texts for Queelix and Quagmire, Shirac, and Xavier Mystery up for your viewing pleasure. As usual, thanks go out to my webmaster Shafe for getting those drawings colored and added, cause I personally have no idea how to do any of that stuff.

On the "SDF: Very Odd Jobs" front, all of the basic Pencil Work is done. That doesn't mean the book is done by any means. I have a fat stack of pages that need Inked now, which takes a decent chunk of time. In addition, I'm not entirely satisfied with one section, so I may end redoing it before I get to the inks. Still, I am moving forward on the book, and that's what's important.

More Wraslin'

Just when I thought Wrestling was dead...

On Saturday, me and my trained Howler Monkeys drove over 2 hours south to Brookport, IL, an itty-bitty town on the IL/KY border. It's right next to Metropolis, "home" of Superman (which is also home to a Casino boat, where I made a buck on nickel slots). We went to watch Chaos Pro Wrestling. The show was excellent as usual, with the crew from CPW putting on a solid show from opening bell to closing. I'm not gonna bore you by giving the rundowns on a buncha matches featuring guys that only work the IL/KY/TN area, but I do wanna say that this bunch of wrestlers are top notch, and CPW is hands down the best wrestling show in the greater Illinois area. Kai, Jeremy Travis, Shane Roberts, Hex Gauge, Slacker J, Chris Cade, Ricochet (or is that spelled Rick O Chet?), and Suicide Bane all had great matches that were well worth the drive. The highlight of the evening though, was whenever the announcer began calling Bro, Fitch, and myself "the Nickel Beer crowd" because we were cheering for Heel wrestler Jeremy Travis. The irony, of course, is that I don't drink alcohol.

Moving on, the TNA PPV "Slamiversary" was on Sunday. TNA has all of the potential to be a real contender to the WWE, and pound for pound they have a much better product. Their current problems are as follows: Too many has been wrestlers consuming too many top spots, a hand full of up=and-comers who aren't worthy of the top spots they've been given (read: the Alpha Male Monty Brown...), and they need better cameramen. Or just more cameras.

Having said this, there was lots of great stuff on the PPV. I got to see the Amazing Red wrestle briefly (Cha-Ching!). I got to see the near legendary Samoa Joe wrestle for the first time ever. I'm not sure if he lives up to all the hype that's been laid on him, but Samoa Joe was impressive. The hands down match of the night, though, was the three way dance between Chris Sabin, Michael Shane, and Christopher Daniels. THIS MATCH FRICKIN' RULED! Ultimately, Sabin pinned Shane, and then Daniels proved once again that he is indeed the Man, by hitting Sabin with the Angel Wings and pinning him.

The Main Event was kinda a mess. It was this "King of the Mountain" match which had a bunch of really confusing rules that I don't wanna go into on my blog cause I ain't got time. The participants were the Good (AJ Styles and Raven), the Bad (Sean "Porn star/Abusive Boyfriend" Waltman and the aforementioned Monty Brown), and the Ugly (Abyss). The match felt short, was really confusing, and Monty Brown nearly ruined it by sucking so much. Still, in the end Raven shocked everyone by winning and becoming the new NWA Champion. Now here's hoping he dominates for more than a month.

Finnegan Bat Begin Again

Okay, for starters, let's get this out of the way. To my knowledge, there is virtually no resemblance between "Batman Begins" and any Batman comic I've ever read, and there is definately virtually nothing in common between the movie and Frank Miller's classic "Batman: Year One". The names are the same, the Spirit of it all is there (more or less), but the sequence of events is something unique unto itself. So, we'll just set aside my fanboyishism, and judge the movie on its own merits.

Actually, I wanna get something out of the way first. The first four Batman films (as well as the campy old TV series for that matter) were experiments in style by their director. Instead of trying to make a decent Batfilm, the previous directors tried to make what they thought would be an "accurate comic book movie". The end result was always a mess. "Batman Begins", thankfully, just looks like a movie. That alone is a breath of fresh air. No monochromatic lighting schemes, no campiness, and (whew!) no Bang! Pow! Bam!

On another side note, I caught the flick in IMAX. Y'know what Imax is Latin for? Bigger and Louder.

Moving on, I won't spoil the plot for those of you on your way out to see the flick yet, so here's a general rundown. First off, the acting is topnotch. This is an A-List cast from top to bottom. Christian Bale goes from broken man, to focused student, to happy go lucky playboy, to Dark Knight at the drop of a hat quite convincingly. He holds the film together quite well. For support we've got that spunky chick from Dawson's Creek (damn you Tom Cruise!), Morgan Freeman rocking as Tech/Money guru Lucious Fox, Michael Caine adding wit and charm to the proceedings as Alfred, Gary Oldman is easily the best Commisioner Gordan to date (not that he has a lotta competition, but I digress), Rutger Hauer pops up as a seedy businessman (slimy), that guy from 28 Days Later goes from effeminate psychologist to raging looney as the Scarecrow, and Liam Neeson (always top notch) plays Bruce's mentor. The story is good, pacing is tight, and even though the film covers Wayne's childhood and travels, it doesn't get bogged down in boring crap. Not surprisingly, it takes a while before Bruce becomes Batman, but the movie handles well enough that you don't really notice.

Now for the gripes. My biggest gripe is with the editing of the fight scenes. Every fight scene in this flick is just a blur of motion, and I don't mean that in a good way. I don't know what the hell they were thinking, but the bangemups in this flick are indecipherable. Besides that major complaint, I have some minor complaints about story logic that I won't go into. And, although she is stupid hot, Katie Holmes's character is so brutally tacked on it's not even funny. I can just hear the Hollywood executives, "Batman needs a woman to drive him to fight evil. And make sure she has nice hooters".

Long story short, minor complaints aside, "Batman Begins" is a solid film. It's not a killer, but worthwhile, and infinately better than any Batfilm before it.

Moviecide-- 6/17/05

For awhile, on Fridays, I'm gonna look up all of the movies that are available for viewing in my local area. I will be using the list of films in Evansville, IN (which ain't really local, but it's got 2 sixteen screen theatres which will cover just about anything available around here). I am doing this for two purposes: 1) to prove just how ridiculously little there is to watch out there, and 2) cause I got nothing better to do. And away we go...

Films still playing from last blog: Adventures Shark...(Kiddie, no go), Cinderella Man (Boo!), Crash (DVD only), High Tension (still like to catch it sometime), Honeymooners (Boo!), Longest Yard (Boo!), Lords of Dogtown (Boo!), Madagascar (Boo!), Mr and Mrs. Smith (Boo!), Monster in Law (Super Boo!), Sisterhood... (Boo!), Star Wars 3 (Dug it).

Well waddya know, only two new films this week. Now THAT'S variety. Grrr.

-Batman Begins-- C'mon, you know I'm gonna go watch it. I'm pretty sure I'm required by law to watch it. Here's hoping it don't suck.

-The Perfect Man-- Is this a chick flick or a kiddie flick? Either way, insert sounds of Super Projectile Vomiting here.

Fantamovie

Seems like nowadays every comic book is either being made into a movie, wants to be made into a movie, has been optioned to be made into a movie, or the creators have written the book so it could easily be turned into a movie. We here at TORC Press are quite content at being a comic publisher. I know that there will never be a Live Action SDF movie made. In fact, the odds of anyone outside of my Crew and myself producing anything TORC Press related are virtually non-existant.

Having said that, every now and again, I do like to goof around with the idea of an SDF movie (or perhaps, movie series...). So, what follows is my "Fantamovie" Cast list for an unlimited budget SDF movie. In addition, I've also included my ideas on how each character should be presented on screen. As always, feel free to drop your own comments on who you would pick to be in an SDF movie. Enjoy.

-Cactus Joe the Clown-- (Actor in costume with heavy makeup) My pick for the lead would have to be Johny Depp. He's the only guy I can think of who could pull off the combination of intensity, humor, and ordinary guyishness neccessary for the role.
-Pengy-- (2D Animation or CGI) Pengy don't talk, so I don't need an actor. Ha!
-Voodoo Dolly-- (Actor in costume with some makeup) Vivica A Fox is hot enough and bad ass enough to play Dolly.
-Joseph Morris-- Can't I just play myself? Okay, I'm a really bad actor, so nevermind. Instead we'll just shave Tobey McGuire's head and call him me.
-Buzby the Fly-- (2D Animation or CGI) John Leguizamo has that annoying, irritating quality that would be perfect for my greedy little assistant.
-Broken Tea Cup--(CGI or Claymation) Instead of one voice, I thought it would be cool if we could have a bunch of people read different lines and splice em together.
-aliceislost--(Dollalice- CGI or Animatronic Puppet, Adultalice- Actress in Costume with Heavy Makeup) For the Adultalice, B-Movie Goddess Julie Strain has the proper...proportions I'm looking for.
-Cosmic Fool-- (Actor with Heavy CGI Effects) Don't really need an actor for this role.
-Sheriff Halloweenman-- (CGI or Animatronic Puppet) This may sound like an odd pick, but I was kinda thinking about Kevin James from the King of Queens, and I'm not even sure why.
-Walt--(2D Animation or CGI) Grizzled cowboy Sam Neil or Country Music Legends Kenny Rogers or Willie Nelson.
-Sped--(same as Walt) Quentin Tarantino may be a lousy actor, but all I would for this role would be his spazzy voice.
-Frimpy-- (same as Walt & Sped)
-El Gorio--(Actor in Heavy Makeup with excessive CGI) Two words, Antonio Banderas.
-Shirac--(Actor in Heavy Makeup) My favorite musician of all time, Glen Danzig has the prerequisite nastiness to play the perpetually pissed off Shirac.
-Xavier Mystery--(Actor in Costume with minor CGI enhancement) Big ole Michael Clark Duncan has the build and the voice to play the Star Wars obsessed Xavier.
-Lab Bunny-- (Stuntman in costume) For the body, I want Jet Li or Ray Park. For the voice, I want Michael Madsen (Mr. Blonde for Resevoir Dogs).
-King Smooth--(CGI or Animatronic Puppet with CGI enhancements) The only guy cool and mysterious enough to be Smooth is Clive Owen, hands down.

Return of the Bride of Quick Reviews

Went on a Renting Spree just grabbing stuff that vaguely intrigued me, here's the rundown.

-The Machinist-- Christian (he who will be Batman) Bale stars as a skeletal machine shop guy who hasn't slept in a year. The flick reminded me of "Jacob's Ladder" done up New Millenium style. Course, I was never that big on Jacob's Ladder... The acting's solid, the vaguely surrealist plot is intriguing, but a film like this hinges on its ending, which, quite frankly, lacks the knock you on your assedness of other such films. Worth checking out, but not very highly recommended.

-Appleseed-- Based on the manga by Japanese master Masamune Shirow (which, incidentally, I own Vols. 1-3 of), Appleseed is about a former soldier girl and her former lover (who is now a massive, full conversion cyborg that looks like a metallic bunny) who are drawn out of a post apocalyptic wasteland and into a futuristic utopia, which ain't quite as utopian as it claims to be. The film is a fairly accurate, albiet briefer, version of the manga. A few things are changed for dramatic effect, but the spirit of the original is there. The animation style used is Cell Shading. For those of you unfamiliar, Cell Shading is where you use traditional 3D animation, and then paint over the top of it, giving the finished product a slightly more traditional look. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Not a bad flick overall, worth a watch.

-Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events-- Yeah, yeah, Mr. Crazycomicguy watched a kiddie flick. Shut up. Anyway, "Events" follows the trials and tribulations of the three Beudalaire (spell?) orphans as they (or more appropriately, their inheritance) are doggedly pursued by the dreaded Count Olaf (Jim Carrey, duh). The film is purty, but lacks the requisite menace that a film like this should have. The situations the children end up in just don't seem that dangerous, and Carey's Olaf comes across as something of goofball, not a truly dangerous nemesis. If you want some decent Gothic visuals check it, otherwise, not recommended.

-The Sea Inside-- This Spanish flick tells the true tale of a Spanish parapeligic who wanted to euthanise himself. Sounds depressing, but it's not, as Javier Bardiem (wearing makeup to appear as a middle aged man) brings life, wit, charm, and character to this man who only wishes to truly end a life that he believes is over anyway. The movie plays both sides up evenly, and manages to avoid falling into Hallmarkian mush. Great flick. Recommended.

-Kinnsey-- The true life tale of Alfred "Prok" Kinnsey (played with expert skill by the ever excellent Liam Neeson), the biologist who conducted extensive research into human sexual behaviour in the midst of the ultra conservative 1950s. Many intriguing topics are covered, including Society/Religions views on sexuality, Sex vs. Love, and the sheer grandeur of life itself. Recommended, but a quick word of warning, the film contains graphic sex talk, as well as brief depictions of human sexuality, both hetero and homoerotic in nature. If you're not comfortable with such things, avoid this flick.

-Infection-- Another Japanese horror film. This one's set inside a underfunded hospital, where, after a series of mishaps, a bizarre disease begins consuming the hospital staff. Not a lot of gore (most of that is kept offscreen), not enough truly disturbing moments, hell, not enough of anything frankly. The movie's best weapon is its ridiculously loud array of unearthly background noises. If you're into Japanese Horror, check it. Otherwise, don't bother.

ECF'NW

So, because they love cash, the WWE decided to do an ECW PPV last night. Considering I was a fan of ECW from beginning (I say Shane Douglas throw down the NWA World Title on TV) to End (I watched what would ultimately prove to be the final ECW show on PPV), I had to see this PPV. Had to. Unfortunately, the WWE had been hyping a ridiculous WWE vs. ECW showdown at the Pay Per View, and I was nervous that things would suck. Here's the rundown.

There was a real high nostalgia factor going for the show. There were tons of clips of ECW in its glory days (I was surprised how many I already have on tape or DVD...) and a very large cross section of ECW alumni made cameo appearances. Joey Styles did commentary (and, nostalgia aside, he didn't miss a beat all night long) with my Hero, Mick Foley serving as color (and he didn't do half bad either). Hell, in a rare, truly classy moment, they even had a tribute to ECW wrestlers who had passed on, like Pit Bull2, Chris Candido, and the legendary Terry Gordy. Yep, I probably coulda wallowed in nostalgia all night long. But this was a wrestling show, so, let's see how that went.

The wrestling had its ups and downs. The Rey Mysterio vs. Psychosis match had a lot of hype and hystory going in, but not a lot of payoff. There were some good moments, buy Psychosis seemed off his game. I'm told Mysterio was running on a bum leg as well. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerro was also disappointing. They had a good enough match for say... WWE TV, but a lackluster match for ECW PPV. Frankly, something seemed wrong with Guererro. He almost looked drugged up or something. Maybe he's just working on a new gimmick. I dunno.

Chris Jericho (using his old "Lion Heart" nickname) vs. Lance Storm was a match of utter technical artistry. In the first true surprise of the night, Justin (that stupid egg-headed nimrod) Credible and Jason (the lamest wrestler ever) stormed the ring and caned Jericho, leading to Storm's first victory in years. I may hate Credible, but it was pretty cool to see the Impact Players together again.

The International Three Way Dance was cool, and featured Little Guido (none of that Nunzio crap here) vs. Tajiri vs. Super Crazy. It wasn't the best match those three have ever had (there were some obvious miscues...), but it was a great match, and Super Crazy did a Moonsault from a balcony. The big up in this match was the return of both Mikey Whipwreck (WOOOOO!!!!!!!! YES!!) and the Sinister Minister. Although Mikey's retired (sniff) and wasn't an active participant in the match, he still managed to hit Guido with a top rope Whippersnapper, which made my entire weekend.

RVD came out and did a shoot (unscripted) interview, then got attacked by Rhyno, who then got attacked by Sabu. A massive beat down followed, and Sabu ultimately won by driving Rhyno through a table with the Arabian facebuster. Don't see that kinda anarchy on TV no more.

Course, 3 Tables got blown the hell up during the Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka match. How cool was this match? The crowd started chanting "This match Rules!" at one point. Personally, I thought Masato was legally dead at least twice. Awesome won (no big surprise there), but it was a hell of a match.

The Main Event was supposed to be Tommy Dreamer/Sandman vs. the Dudley Boys. Course, in ECW we had to have, like, 20 run-ins, so before the end of the match, the BWO (Stevie Richards, the Blue Meanie, and Nova), Balls Mahoney and Axle Rotten, Kid Cash, Beulah McGillicutty, and Impact Players (with Francine no less) all did run-ins. It was fun. The two teams beat the ever loving shit out of each other, and ultimately, Tommy Dreamer got power bombed through a flaming table leading to a Dudley victory. Oh dear Lord it was Awesome.

The ECW vs. WWE shananigans took place most of the night, with FAR too much time being spent on WWE wrestlers insulting the fans. Boring. Anyway, at the end Stone Cold Steve Austin of all people came out (I honestly didn't see that one coming) and challenged the WWE guys to fight the ECW guys. Long story short, ECW won, Taz choked out Kurt Angle, and Eric Bitchoff got his ass kicked. Truly a perfect end to a damn near perfect night.

Theatre Graveyard

So, Theatres are whining about people not coming to movies anymore. Gee, I wonder why people aren't going to movies anymore. Could it be the ridiculous ticket prices? Or how about the fact that most theatres are merely serving as DayCare Centers for annoying loud mouthed kick the back of your chair Teenyboppers. Or how about the fact that most of the adult movie goers are assholes nowadays too. Or what about the twenty minutes worth of TV commercials and Military Recruitment ads (see last blog entry for my solution to that one). Fact is, it's all of those things. But what's really killing movie theatre revenues nowadays is the fact that most movies made suck.

Now, movies sucking is nothing new. There have always been sucky movies, and there will always be sucky movies. But, back in the day, there were always a few films to wipe away the doldrums. Nowadays we hardly even get that.

So, to prove my point, and as a public service to the three or so people that read this blog, I'm gonna check out the movies that are currently available in Evansville, IN every Friday and give my impressions of these films. If I have or plan to watch a movie listed, I'll say so, otherwise it is assumed that I'm only going on my impression of a preview. I'm using Evansville cause E-ville has 2 sixteen screen movie theatres, and is my best bet for getting an overview of the greater theatre scene. Here we go.

-Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl-- Actually, this is a Robert Rodriguez film (big up!), and it kinda looks fun. But, it's a kiddie movie, and there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm watching a movie in a theatre full of screaming kids.

-Cinderella Man-- Pros: An uplifting boxing movie that's got Paul Giammotti in it. Cons: Russel Crowe is a raging douchebag and there's no way I'm lining that asshole's pockets.

-Crash-- Reviews have been really positive for this movie, but it's just not interesting enough to warrant a two hour drive. I'll catch it on DVD.

-High Tension-- Huh, another film I wanna watch. Not doing a good job of proving my point... Anyway, I'd like to catch this one, but only if it's within a one hour drive. Think I'll check to see if it's in Mattoon...

-The Honeymooners-- Bang! Zoom! To the SUCK Alice! Booooooo!!!!

-House of Wax-- I'd pay $8 to cave in Paris Hilton's skull. I won't pay $8 to watch it onscreen.

-The Longest Yard-- A sports comedy with previews that are neither invigorating or funny. Adam Sandler sucks.

-Lords of Dogtown-- Don't care. Ooh skateboarders. Really don't care.

-Madagascar-- I like animation, but this flick looks boring as hell. Also, a kiddie flick (see Shark Boy above).

-Monster in Law-- Do I even need to go into this one? I hate J-Lo.

-Mr. and Mrs. Smith-- I don't care how much hype they pile into this movie, the previews look boring as hell. The only pros are that Vince Vauhn is in it, and Angelina Jolie is hot. Still, boring.

-Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants-- Chick flick. Insert Vomiting sound here.

-Star Wars 3-- Watched it twice. Loved it twice. Might watch it again, but not this week.

Hey, guess what? High Tension isn't playing within an hour drive. Big surprise. The one movie I actually wanna watch I can't.

Obvious

Y'know what I'm currently sick of? People complaining about how something's not working and how they can't fix it, when a solution is obvious. Sometime I plan on doing a Rant on Movie Theatres, but that one's gonna be pretty lengthy, so instead, I'll do this short Rant instead.

So, I'm listening to the radio news this morning, and I hear, once again, about how Military recruitment is abysmally down, and how the Military can't figure out why numbers are so low and how to fix it. Sigh. If there are any Military Leaders out there reading this blog, allow me to esplain to you why your numbers are down. The Military traditionally draws its numbers from the poor, the downtrodden, and those that have no direction in life. The Military's numerous incentive programs, good enough pay, and strict disciplinary system seem pretty enticing to these people. But I don't care how good your incentive program is, I don't how poor or downtrodden someone is, a very large percent of the population WILL NOT join your organization if it means they're gonna get shipped off to a boiling desert sand pit where they have a better than average chance of being blown to smithereens by any one of the local populace. It's called common sense. Gutter life may suck, but at least you're surrounded by sand and explosives.

Since I'm such a nice guy, allow me to make a lovely little suggestion that will fix all of the Military's recruitment problems. Immediately withdraw from Iraq and Afganistan. Sure, we opened up a huge can of worms there and now the people kinda need us, but recruitment is down damnit! an' we gotsa fix it. Now, have your puppets in the White House and Congress declare war on a small, completely safe island nation with lots of palm trees and beautiful women. Bam! I guarantee a huge spike in recruitment. And since you won't have guys getting blown up all the time, you won't have to refill all those vacant slots all the time. Everyone wins! And you could have a crossover with the Miss Hawaiian Tropic competition. See? Obvious.

Inertia

Alright, we've got a number of updates up on the main site. For starters, the latest installment of "Fish Story" is up on the Nonreal Link. It's one of those "The Clown gets stomped" issues, so check it out.

We've also got Willem and his gang, as well as Johm Smythe up now in the Cast section. I wrote up a pretty good bio for Willem, but I really like the visuals on Smythe. He's just one of those characters who is almost more fun to draw as a pin up than he is as an actual character (sorta like Marvel's Elektra...).

Things are literally heating up here in Southern Illinois. The temperatures have shot into the 90s with excessive humidity only making things more difficult. The real funky thing going on right now is that the backroads have turned into this liquid sludge by mid afternoon. Driving has become like a really disgusting form of Jet Skiing.

I've gone 4 weeks without my allergy shot, and I'm still feeling pretty good. Think I'll skip it again tonight to save a couple of bucks.

WE ARE LIVE!

The OFFICIAL TORC PRESS ONLINE COMIC BOOK SHOP IS LIVE! Woo!

Um, I really don't have anything else beyond that. I'm excited as all hell, I'm glad it's running, and I'd like to thank we buddy and webmaster Brian Shaffer for getting it rolling. Rock on!

Oh, now I remember. For the rest of the month, all online orders for comics I recieve will get a free sketch with their order. Yep, just make sure to mention which character you want in your order, and for the rest of June, all orders will have a sketch added.

Evolution is a slow, painful, yet surprisingly fun process.

A Little Meandering

Today is the Great Ryan "Big Country" Morris FunBQ in beautiful Clay City, IL. Well, technically, it's in Bunnyville, but why split hairs? So far the weather's holding up, but all reports indicate Thunderstorms by the evening, so it may be a mostly indoor afair. No big, just as long as I get a grilled Burger or two down my gut I'll be a happy man.

Despite the release delay, the actual work on "SDF: Very Odd Jobs" is progressing quite nicely. In fact, I'm really liking the art on some of the stories. Of course, I've been that harsh a critic of my own work, which has proven to be a near fatal flaw on more than one occassion.

If I ever get confirmation on my table for Chicago (still not a guarantee), I've already got several interesting ideas for promo materials in the works, including a new mini-comic exclusive to the Con. I'd also like to thank the various members of my Crew who have been providing me with all sorts of interesting ideas for promo stuff. Hopefully (if I get a table...), our showing at Chi-town will be even bigger and bolder than last year.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

When you're a small time operation, like TORC Press, mistakes are bound to happen. I've made a couple, and I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize.

I announced a few months back that we'd have an online store up and running soon. I'm a computer illiterate, and had no real conception of how long the process would take. Shafe, my webmaster, has been working feverishly on making the site as top notch as possible, while making sure it's good and secure. This takes time. It's my fault for announcing the webstore when I did, so I'd like to apologize to any who have been inconvienced by my mistake.

I also made the stupid mistake of announcing that I was going to desperately try to get the latest issue of the book done by July. I was afraid I wasn't going to have the work done on time, but turns out, the work isn't the problem, money is. The month of May pretty much left me destitute, and I've got a number of big events coming up that I'm going to need to save money for. As a result, I'm officially pushing back "SDF: Very Odd Jobs" until August. I got greedy, and again, I'm sorry.

Protagonists

As of "Perfect/Ugly" I've introduced most of the Central Protagonists of my book for the foreseeable future. I've got some fairly important Side Characters that will be introduced (or, in some cases, re-introduced. Anyone remember Mr. Dark, Pom-Pom Girl, and Aphrodite Midnite?) in the January 06 issue. Beyond that, I'm gonna keep the current cast as is for awhile. I've got a few more guys percolating in the back of my head (a redesigned Mr. Macabre is currently bouncing around), but I don't wanna bring em in until 1) I've developed em better, and 2) I've actually finished a few of the stories involving the current cast.

Regardless, I've got a pretty eclectic bunch of main characters going. Sure there are similarities linking all of them (which makes sense, cause at the end of the day, I'm the common denominator in every character in the book), but essentially, every character has a different personality, motivation (or lack thereof), appearance, and moral code. Which I think is cool.

Anyway, the last two Main Characters that will be introduced in "SDF: Very Odd Jobs" are BoJangles and Lab Bunny. BoJangles has, to date, only appeared in two convention sketches and on the November webcomic. He's easily the least physically interesting character I've ever created. In fact, his main character point is that he's this sort of hollow void, bouncing from one obscenely bizarre situation to another. Lab Bunny, on the other hand, popped up in "Super Duper Fun Comix: Insano" and "Deluxe Super Duper Fun Comix with Cheez". The "new" Lab Bunny is based on the Lab Bunny that appears in these older books, but he's a lot different. He's angrier, scarier, and more bitter than he was in previous outings. Visually, I think he's gonna prove to be one of my most interesting characters to date.

Quick side note: The TorcPress store on CafePress has been updated. Hopefully, I can use the buttons as Promo tools for Chicago. Thanks Shafe!