Mousetrap
WARNING! The following may seen offensive to Animal Lovers and Animal Rights Activists. We apologize in advance.
So, every six to nine months my house gets infested with mice. Cute, brown field mice that crap all over everything and chew up stuff and make noise at night. I don't really hate the mice, but for reasons of hygene, they need to be disposed of. Traditionally, I use Poison, which always seems to work, and only has the downside that I step on a Mouse carcass every once in awhile (which is traditionally followed by a girlish scream by our manly hero). Recently, a couple of mice popped up the house, and I've been too lazy to score some poison. I do have mouse traps, but they're these nufangled ones that my mom bought me, which are clunky, plastic, reusable mouse traps. The mouse traps never seem to work, but I knew the running path of one of the mice. This one mouse lives behind the stove. He climbs up the stove and runs across the back end of my kitchen countertop, then runs back. So, I set up traps on each end, so that he has to run through the traps. This, of course, didn't work, and on one occassion I watched the damn mouse run right across a trap, and nothing happened.
So, last night, a loud CLICK wakes me up. I think nothing of it, until I hear another click. Then another later on. All night. Click. I was too tired to contemplate this new sound, and slept on. By this morning, I had forgetten all about it.
Anyway, I'm getting dressed for work, when I hear CLICK. Huh? It's coming from the kitchen, so I go check it out. There on the kitchen floor is a mouse, and one of my mouse traps. The mouse had, somehow, gotten one leg caught in the trap, and had managed to drag the trap off of the countertop, fallen to the floor, and was now desperately trying to figure out either A) get the trap off or B) manuever around with the trap on.
Here I am, staring at this snagged mouse. After pacing around for a bit, I decided that just hitting it with a hammer a few times was the best approach. So, I grabbed the hammer I always keep on top of the fridge, walked over, and looking directly into those cute, innocent eyes, gently hit the little rodent three times in the skull. Little thing didn't even blink. Just kept looking at me with that, "Please Mister, take this trap off me," look. Anyway, after I softened his head, the mouse's legs started jerking. That kinda creeped me out, so I hit its spine a few times till it stopped that too. Then I disposed of it in the trash.
So, every six to nine months my house gets infested with mice. Cute, brown field mice that crap all over everything and chew up stuff and make noise at night. I don't really hate the mice, but for reasons of hygene, they need to be disposed of. Traditionally, I use Poison, which always seems to work, and only has the downside that I step on a Mouse carcass every once in awhile (which is traditionally followed by a girlish scream by our manly hero). Recently, a couple of mice popped up the house, and I've been too lazy to score some poison. I do have mouse traps, but they're these nufangled ones that my mom bought me, which are clunky, plastic, reusable mouse traps. The mouse traps never seem to work, but I knew the running path of one of the mice. This one mouse lives behind the stove. He climbs up the stove and runs across the back end of my kitchen countertop, then runs back. So, I set up traps on each end, so that he has to run through the traps. This, of course, didn't work, and on one occassion I watched the damn mouse run right across a trap, and nothing happened.
So, last night, a loud CLICK wakes me up. I think nothing of it, until I hear another click. Then another later on. All night. Click. I was too tired to contemplate this new sound, and slept on. By this morning, I had forgetten all about it.
Anyway, I'm getting dressed for work, when I hear CLICK. Huh? It's coming from the kitchen, so I go check it out. There on the kitchen floor is a mouse, and one of my mouse traps. The mouse had, somehow, gotten one leg caught in the trap, and had managed to drag the trap off of the countertop, fallen to the floor, and was now desperately trying to figure out either A) get the trap off or B) manuever around with the trap on.
Here I am, staring at this snagged mouse. After pacing around for a bit, I decided that just hitting it with a hammer a few times was the best approach. So, I grabbed the hammer I always keep on top of the fridge, walked over, and looking directly into those cute, innocent eyes, gently hit the little rodent three times in the skull. Little thing didn't even blink. Just kept looking at me with that, "Please Mister, take this trap off me," look. Anyway, after I softened his head, the mouse's legs started jerking. That kinda creeped me out, so I hit its spine a few times till it stopped that too. Then I disposed of it in the trash.
2 Comments:
You're one step closer to becoming a serial killer, my friend. I've never read rodent death put more eloquently.
You should get outside cats. I know you're allergic to them, but they'd be outside cats, and you never go outside, so it'd work out well.
I can't stop laughing thinking of you gingerly knocking this trapped mouse on the head! *plink* "Don't you ever fucking die!" *plink* "Gaahh!" *plink* "EAT IT MICKEY!!!" *plink*
Sorry dude. Incidentally, the Yucatecan Fish was a flop. Too dry. The fajitas I made today rocked, though.
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