The Barbed Wire Blues
Had a pretty violent dream last night. I won't go into the details, cause it'll all sound relatively nonsensicle, but like I said, blood was spilled.
Of all the contradictions in my life, the most bizarre is this: I am a pacifist who is drawn to violence. I love violent movies/comics/video games. I study feudal Japan cause it's more violent than fuedal Europe (that and they've got better swords...). Ironically, I don't like real life violence, which is why I'd rather watch Pro Wrestling as opposed to Boxing or UFC.
But, then again, I spent three or so years as one of them Backyard Wrestlers. I dropped more than a few of my best friends on their heads, and I'm pretty sure I whipped Fitch with a length of barbed wire once. Course, my own track record for having bad things happen to me was worse than what I did to others. For every time I dumped someone else into barbed wire, I made sure I fell/got wrapped in twice as often. Plus, I was the only guy in our little group to get successful set on fire three different times. Perhaps it was my penance. Or perhaps I'm a sick piece of crap.
Quite the conundrum regardless.
Of all the contradictions in my life, the most bizarre is this: I am a pacifist who is drawn to violence. I love violent movies/comics/video games. I study feudal Japan cause it's more violent than fuedal Europe (that and they've got better swords...). Ironically, I don't like real life violence, which is why I'd rather watch Pro Wrestling as opposed to Boxing or UFC.
But, then again, I spent three or so years as one of them Backyard Wrestlers. I dropped more than a few of my best friends on their heads, and I'm pretty sure I whipped Fitch with a length of barbed wire once. Course, my own track record for having bad things happen to me was worse than what I did to others. For every time I dumped someone else into barbed wire, I made sure I fell/got wrapped in twice as often. Plus, I was the only guy in our little group to get successful set on fire three different times. Perhaps it was my penance. Or perhaps I'm a sick piece of crap.
Quite the conundrum regardless.
2 Comments:
Kind of like me being a pompous, arrogant ass, bordering on aetheism, yet seeking humility and transcendance with a bent toward understanding kharma, even though I can't seem to take that understanding and belief into consideration BEFORE I act or react...
Not really a sickness so much as a bent toward existential antagonism (just made that up), wherin the pacifism is really a direct reaction to the violence that our society spews forth in further reaction to the false face of goodness that our ancestors wore over their own human bent toward domination and destruction, but as it is entirely impossible to escape ALL media in our society, total pacifism is really only one more impossible goal you've set for yourself to further trod on your ego, as it was trod upon in high school, and as the world seems not right to you if your ego is not being trod upon by someone, as I am trodding upon it now.
Or, much like you being a sick piece of crap, my skills at bullshit are exacerbated by being 75% of the way through a 24+ hour day, and my tendency toward prolixity shows up all the more when I have unlimited space with which to get to the punch line; a punch line that also strives to take up that unlimited space and further confuse the reader as to what my actual point is, before blasting the poor, unwitting soul with the fact that there is no point, I have less clue than a dog's ass has stock in Microsoft, and finally, while I may be funny with little sleep in person, it doesn't shine through in a circumlocutory post written with a prohibitively subtle, dry wit and actually coining the phrase "existential antagonism".
Yes, quite the conundrum regardless.
I saw a dolphin poop this weekend.
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